Depressions really exist in life. Di natin maiiwasan na madepress paminsnan minsan. At paminsan minsan hindi mo na magawa ang dapat mong gawin o kaya naman mali mali na ang iyong nagagawa dahil sa pagiging depress mo. Pero ano ba talga ang dahilan bakit tayo nadedepress?... Para sa akin.. isa lang yan.. Dahil sa hindi mo nagawa ng tama ang mga bagay na dapat nagawa mo ng tama o kaya naman hindi mo naabot ang expectation mo sa sarili mo.. Kaya naman nadidisappoint ka sa sarili mo hanggang sa madepress ka.. Tulad ko nalang ngayon.. Nadedepress ako at unfortunately disappointed din ako sa sarili ko.. Nafufrustrate na din.. Lahat na.. Ito ay dahil sa malamang di ko pagkamit ng maayos na score sa unit exam ko. Kahit na ayoko ng bigyang pansin pa o palawakin pa, hindi ko talaga maalis sa isipan ko ang nangyaring iyon. Nag-aral naman ako. Sa lahat ng naging unit exams ko ngayong college.. masasabi kong ngayon lang ako lumagpak.. At sana di na toh maulit pa.. Sa totoo lang ayoko ng feeling ng napapasang awa.. o kaya naman bumabagsak.. Kasi dahil dito bumababa ang self-esteem ko. At dahil sa bumababa ang self-esteem ko, hindi na nagiging maayos ang performance ko.. Pero gusto kong tingnan ang pangyayaring ito in a positive way.. Kasi kung titingnan ko na lang palagi in a negative way.. lalo lang akong madedepress at magiging anxious. Sabi ko sa sarili ko.. it just proves that i need to learn more. Kung nag-aral man ako, malamang di pa sapat yung naaral ko para makapasa.. Siguro masyado akong naging care-free (palagi naman eh).. Pero di ko maiiwasan na maging ganon.. ewan ko ba.. Siguro its also my defense mechanism. Ayun.
To think na halos lahat ng profs and C.Is mo napansin ang resulta ng exam mo.. "Anong nangyari?" Nakakadisappoint talaga. Kahit na sabihin nating mahirap talaga yung naging exam.. Mahirap pa ring tanggapin na im below the passing rate.. It really broke my records. Anyway.. I was then so thankful kasi nadagdagan ng isang ponit ung score q.. so i could say that i passed. Pero mahirap pa ring tanggalin sa isipan ko yung pagpansin ng mga profs ko sa naging performance ko lalo na ang pagpansin ni Sir... Anyway.. Ok na yun.. I must learn to accept things I made. Siguro I should strive and study harder para naman makabawi ako.. I hope so.. Ayoko na ng feeling na ganito.. So pls.. help me po God..
And this proves na napakaconscious ko sa environment ko.. Sa mga sinasabi ng iba about sakin.. Negative or positive man.. Im very much particular on that.. And its really hard for me to change that kind of attitude. I hope I can change that. Whew.
Also, wag kasi masyado mayabang ok...??? Always be humble and thak God for all.. OK?
Thank God..
---niCa..
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Falling down..
It's ironic that 9 times out of 10, the people who never fail are the ones who never succeed.That's because the people who never fail are not moving anywhere. They are content to sit within their small defined comfort area. They are never growing or taking chances.Success comes to those who have failed over and over again. It came because they kept pushing forward. They had a purpose that drove them... a passion burning inside. That's how they reached success.
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot do. And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace. A winner is not one who never fails, but one who NEVER QUITS! In LIFE, remember that you pass this way only once! Let's live life to the fullest and give it our best.
Author Unknown
http://www.trueinsights.com/inspirational/150
Monday, August 25, 2008
Anxiety.
May mga bagay bagay sa loob ng ating katawan na namimilit sa atin upang gawin ang mga bagay na minsan hindi natin gusto hanggang sa malaman nating gusto na pala natin ito, nagiging parte na pala ito ng ating buhay at kasama na din pala sa sirkulasyon ng ating katawan.
Nakakapanibago kung iisipin na gawin ang mga bagay na ito.. hindi tayo sanay.. hindi natin feel.. lalong lalo na wala namang sapat na dahilan para gawin natin ito.. Pero kung talagang iisipin at pag-uukulan ng pansin, ang mga bagay na ito pala ay nakakatulong sa atin.. Nakatutulong sa atin upang umunlad, magbago at magkaroon ng sariling pananaw sa buhay.
Bilang isang tao, bilang isang anak, bilang mag-aaral, bilang isang kaibigan, at bilang isang nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na maging responsable at mag-alala sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lang.. Bakit kaya ganon?.. Una, bilang isang tao at nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na humingi ng tulong Sa Kanya sa mga oras ng pangangailangan, magpasalamat Sa Kanya sa mga masasaya at magagandang pangyayari sa aking buhay, nasanay ako na kausapin Siya sa mga oras na wala akong mahingan ng tulong at sa mga oras na hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili.. Nasanay ako na humingi ng konting yakap Sa Kanya para makaramdam ako ng kakaibang seguridad sa mundo.. Mga bagay bagay na nakaugalian ko.. Pero saan ko ba nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. Bilang isang labing-walong taong gulang na babae, hindi ko pa masasabi na marami na akong napagdaanang mga pagsubok para sabihing sanay na ako sa buhay, hindi ko pa masasabing marami na akong nagawa na kapakipakinabang. Sa katunayan, wala pa siguro yan sa mga gagawin ko pa pagkalipas ng mga taon. Masasabi kong marami pa.. marami pa akong gagawin at magagawa.. Pero saan ko nga nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. In a way, bakit gusto kong malaman??...
Bilang isang tao, masasabi kong hindi ako normal tulad ng iba.. Nasasabi ko lang ito dahil siguro self-centered ako, mas binibgyang pansin ko ang sarili ko kaysa sa iba, mas concern at conscious ako sa sarili ko.. Sabi ko nga multiple ang personality ko.. Pero sabi ng libro, nagiging marami ito dahil na rin sa environment, sa kapaligiran ko.. Siguro nga. Napapansin ko, bilang isang anak, kaklase, mag-aaral, kaibigan, etc iba ako.. Mga bagay na dahil sa environment ko iba ang naipapakita ko.. Pero gusto kong malaman kung sa lahat ng ito.. ano ba talaga ako? sino ba talaga ako?.. na kahit balibaligtarin man ang mundo masasabing ako yun at wala ng iba?.. Sino at ano?...
Bilang isang tao at kaibigan ng sarili kong pagkatao, maraming bagay ang pumapasok sa isipan ko na minsan hindi ko kayang dalhin, mga katanungang hindi ko kayang sagutin. Kung iisipin para na rin siguro akong baliw. Pero nakikita ko pa namang kahit papano normal ako. Yun nga lang siguro iba ako sa lahat. Siyempre lahat naman tayo may kakaibang personalidad, may kakaibang pagkatao, yun nga lang depende sa atin kung paano ito dalhin.. At ako bilang magulong tao, iba-iba ang paraan ko kung paano dalhin ang mga bagay na nagpapabigat sa damdamin ko.
Defense Mechanisms. Marami yan. Siguro lahat niyan nagawa ko na. Hindi lang siguro ako aware. Pero kadalasan nagawa ko na para lang maitago ang lahat ng totoo kong nararamdaman. Reaction formation, Projection, Rationalization, Denial at marami pang iba. Halos lahat. At alam ko lahat ng tao nagawa na yan. May kanya kanya tayong stressor at paraan para maalis ang stressor na yan. At minsan dahil sa masyado na tayong naiistress, nag-aalala na tayo sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lamang. Anxiety in short.
Dati naaalala ko, high school pa lang ako non, hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang salitang anxiety/ anxious, ni hindi ko nga alam kung pano ang tamang pagbigkas niyan eh.. Pero ngayon, bilang isang college student, masasabi kong halos lahat ng araw ko umiikot sa salitang anxiety/ anxious. Bakit ba kasi nabuo pa ang salitang yan?..
Anyway, siguro, holistically, marami ngang mga bagay sa aking buhay na bumubuo sa pagkatao ko. Isa na ang pagiging anxious. Pagiging anxious ko sa role ko sa buhay. Sa pagiging isang anak ng aking mga magulang, pagiging mag-aaral, studyante, kaklase, kapatid, kaibigan, kaaway at marami pa.. Marami pa.. Identity vs. Role Confusion. Sabi nga ni Erikson. Pero hanggang kailan kaya ako mananatili dito sa crisis na ito? Anong gagawin ko para makaalis at makasurvive? Masasabi kong isa ito sa mga stressor ko sa buhay. Pero mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko eh, siguro matutulungan din ako ng oras at panahon.. palagi naman eh.. Sana lang.. Sa totoo lang, siguro nababahala ako na hindi ko maabot ang next stage ni Erikson. Sabi kasi sa book, you can't move on to the next stage whenever you failed to resolve the crisis. Ibig sabihin, di ko pala maabot ang intimacy kung confused pa rin ako sa role ko sa buhay at sa identity ko. Hmmn. Anyway, bata pa naman ako eh.. at sabi ko nga mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko at siguro hindi dapat ako mabahala kung ganon man. Ah ewan ang gulo ko talaga. Sa katunayan, pinipilit kong maging malinaw at maintindihan ng lahat pero parang magulo pa rin. Still reflects my being.
Sa ngayon, nabubuhay ako sa sarili kong prinsipyo sa buhay:
1. I trust everything to God. Hindi dapat ako magpakita ng kahit anong galit Sa Kanya. Alam ko alam niya lahat ng gingawa ko, iniisip ko at nararamdaman ko. Alam niya kung ano ang mga makakabuti sa akin. Alam ko nilalayo niya ako sa mga bagay na makapagdudulot sa akin ng hindi maganda. Wisdom, Knowledge and Strength.. lahat galing Sa Kanya.
2. Magkaroon ng balance na buhay. Balance pagdating sa school, lakwatsa, laro, kaibigan. Balance ang sikreto para mawala ang stress.
Sa ngayon, nagtataka ako kung bakit ang ibang tao, hindi nag-eenjoy sa pag-aaral. Hindi tinatapos ang pag-aaral. Yun iba naman studyante nga pero di naman nag-aaral.. Pano yun? Hindi naapreciate ang pagpunta sa school bukod sa pagkakaroon ng baon.
Para sa akin masasabi kong napakasarap mag-aral. Kahit na isa ito sa mga stressor ng buhay mo. Masaya naman dahil marami kang natutunan. Maraming nalalaman. At napakasaya bilang isang taong maraming alam at maraming experience. Learning is gained through hardwork and experience. Experience enhances your capability to think, to work and to do right - Para sa akin, yan ang learning. Ewan ko na lang sa iba.
Ang tanging sikreto.. BALANCE... sa palagay ko...
Pwede namang maglakwatsa kahit nag-aaral hindi ba? Pwede maglaro ng computer, pwede magsine, mag SM, gumimik.. Pwede naman hindi ba?.. Magboyfriend, maglasing, magyosi at kung anu-ano pa.. Kahit nag-aaral... Para sa akin, pwede as long as nababalance mo at alam mo kung ano talaga ang mga dapat mong gawin at hindi. Mga dapat binibigyang importansya, pinaprioritize..
Basta ang mahalaga you are in lieu with your goal and responsible enough to meet that goal.
--Bibs.
(Back to study-mode)
Nakakapanibago kung iisipin na gawin ang mga bagay na ito.. hindi tayo sanay.. hindi natin feel.. lalong lalo na wala namang sapat na dahilan para gawin natin ito.. Pero kung talagang iisipin at pag-uukulan ng pansin, ang mga bagay na ito pala ay nakakatulong sa atin.. Nakatutulong sa atin upang umunlad, magbago at magkaroon ng sariling pananaw sa buhay.
Bilang isang tao, bilang isang anak, bilang mag-aaral, bilang isang kaibigan, at bilang isang nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na maging responsable at mag-alala sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lang.. Bakit kaya ganon?.. Una, bilang isang tao at nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na humingi ng tulong Sa Kanya sa mga oras ng pangangailangan, magpasalamat Sa Kanya sa mga masasaya at magagandang pangyayari sa aking buhay, nasanay ako na kausapin Siya sa mga oras na wala akong mahingan ng tulong at sa mga oras na hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili.. Nasanay ako na humingi ng konting yakap Sa Kanya para makaramdam ako ng kakaibang seguridad sa mundo.. Mga bagay bagay na nakaugalian ko.. Pero saan ko ba nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. Bilang isang labing-walong taong gulang na babae, hindi ko pa masasabi na marami na akong napagdaanang mga pagsubok para sabihing sanay na ako sa buhay, hindi ko pa masasabing marami na akong nagawa na kapakipakinabang. Sa katunayan, wala pa siguro yan sa mga gagawin ko pa pagkalipas ng mga taon. Masasabi kong marami pa.. marami pa akong gagawin at magagawa.. Pero saan ko nga nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. In a way, bakit gusto kong malaman??...
Bilang isang tao, masasabi kong hindi ako normal tulad ng iba.. Nasasabi ko lang ito dahil siguro self-centered ako, mas binibgyang pansin ko ang sarili ko kaysa sa iba, mas concern at conscious ako sa sarili ko.. Sabi ko nga multiple ang personality ko.. Pero sabi ng libro, nagiging marami ito dahil na rin sa environment, sa kapaligiran ko.. Siguro nga. Napapansin ko, bilang isang anak, kaklase, mag-aaral, kaibigan, etc iba ako.. Mga bagay na dahil sa environment ko iba ang naipapakita ko.. Pero gusto kong malaman kung sa lahat ng ito.. ano ba talaga ako? sino ba talaga ako?.. na kahit balibaligtarin man ang mundo masasabing ako yun at wala ng iba?.. Sino at ano?...
Bilang isang tao at kaibigan ng sarili kong pagkatao, maraming bagay ang pumapasok sa isipan ko na minsan hindi ko kayang dalhin, mga katanungang hindi ko kayang sagutin. Kung iisipin para na rin siguro akong baliw. Pero nakikita ko pa namang kahit papano normal ako. Yun nga lang siguro iba ako sa lahat. Siyempre lahat naman tayo may kakaibang personalidad, may kakaibang pagkatao, yun nga lang depende sa atin kung paano ito dalhin.. At ako bilang magulong tao, iba-iba ang paraan ko kung paano dalhin ang mga bagay na nagpapabigat sa damdamin ko.
Defense Mechanisms. Marami yan. Siguro lahat niyan nagawa ko na. Hindi lang siguro ako aware. Pero kadalasan nagawa ko na para lang maitago ang lahat ng totoo kong nararamdaman. Reaction formation, Projection, Rationalization, Denial at marami pang iba. Halos lahat. At alam ko lahat ng tao nagawa na yan. May kanya kanya tayong stressor at paraan para maalis ang stressor na yan. At minsan dahil sa masyado na tayong naiistress, nag-aalala na tayo sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lamang. Anxiety in short.
Dati naaalala ko, high school pa lang ako non, hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang salitang anxiety/ anxious, ni hindi ko nga alam kung pano ang tamang pagbigkas niyan eh.. Pero ngayon, bilang isang college student, masasabi kong halos lahat ng araw ko umiikot sa salitang anxiety/ anxious. Bakit ba kasi nabuo pa ang salitang yan?..
Anyway, siguro, holistically, marami ngang mga bagay sa aking buhay na bumubuo sa pagkatao ko. Isa na ang pagiging anxious. Pagiging anxious ko sa role ko sa buhay. Sa pagiging isang anak ng aking mga magulang, pagiging mag-aaral, studyante, kaklase, kapatid, kaibigan, kaaway at marami pa.. Marami pa.. Identity vs. Role Confusion. Sabi nga ni Erikson. Pero hanggang kailan kaya ako mananatili dito sa crisis na ito? Anong gagawin ko para makaalis at makasurvive? Masasabi kong isa ito sa mga stressor ko sa buhay. Pero mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko eh, siguro matutulungan din ako ng oras at panahon.. palagi naman eh.. Sana lang.. Sa totoo lang, siguro nababahala ako na hindi ko maabot ang next stage ni Erikson. Sabi kasi sa book, you can't move on to the next stage whenever you failed to resolve the crisis. Ibig sabihin, di ko pala maabot ang intimacy kung confused pa rin ako sa role ko sa buhay at sa identity ko. Hmmn. Anyway, bata pa naman ako eh.. at sabi ko nga mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko at siguro hindi dapat ako mabahala kung ganon man. Ah ewan ang gulo ko talaga. Sa katunayan, pinipilit kong maging malinaw at maintindihan ng lahat pero parang magulo pa rin. Still reflects my being.
Sa ngayon, nabubuhay ako sa sarili kong prinsipyo sa buhay:
1. I trust everything to God. Hindi dapat ako magpakita ng kahit anong galit Sa Kanya. Alam ko alam niya lahat ng gingawa ko, iniisip ko at nararamdaman ko. Alam niya kung ano ang mga makakabuti sa akin. Alam ko nilalayo niya ako sa mga bagay na makapagdudulot sa akin ng hindi maganda. Wisdom, Knowledge and Strength.. lahat galing Sa Kanya.
2. Magkaroon ng balance na buhay. Balance pagdating sa school, lakwatsa, laro, kaibigan. Balance ang sikreto para mawala ang stress.
Sa ngayon, nagtataka ako kung bakit ang ibang tao, hindi nag-eenjoy sa pag-aaral. Hindi tinatapos ang pag-aaral. Yun iba naman studyante nga pero di naman nag-aaral.. Pano yun? Hindi naapreciate ang pagpunta sa school bukod sa pagkakaroon ng baon.
Para sa akin masasabi kong napakasarap mag-aral. Kahit na isa ito sa mga stressor ng buhay mo. Masaya naman dahil marami kang natutunan. Maraming nalalaman. At napakasaya bilang isang taong maraming alam at maraming experience. Learning is gained through hardwork and experience. Experience enhances your capability to think, to work and to do right - Para sa akin, yan ang learning. Ewan ko na lang sa iba.
Ang tanging sikreto.. BALANCE... sa palagay ko...
Pwede namang maglakwatsa kahit nag-aaral hindi ba? Pwede maglaro ng computer, pwede magsine, mag SM, gumimik.. Pwede naman hindi ba?.. Magboyfriend, maglasing, magyosi at kung anu-ano pa.. Kahit nag-aaral... Para sa akin, pwede as long as nababalance mo at alam mo kung ano talaga ang mga dapat mong gawin at hindi. Mga dapat binibigyang importansya, pinaprioritize..
Basta ang mahalaga you are in lieu with your goal and responsible enough to meet that goal.
--Bibs.
(Back to study-mode)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
waiting is FAITH
being what?...
being what??...
within this days.. i was in the state of again-being confused and something like i want something.. yesterday.. we had just a devotion, volunteered-devotion together with my groupmates.. it just said that..
"We should wait until God gave us what those we want.. Keep the faith and He will give that to us on the right time.."
Yes.. That's what im into.. why do i keep on searching?, keep on minding things that soon will be made if God approves.. Why am i too excited and anxious on the things that maybe not for my time yet. when I see other people together with their loved ones.. i have the feeling of When can I have that ones too?.. When can i feel the true emotions and true love, true care and true TRUST.. ?? When..? When this comes on my mind.. I just let it flow until I have get rid of it through my sleep.. But again, it keeps on distructing me. Hmmn.. Yes.. I do want to wait.. Wait until God has given me the opportunity.. I know.. this is one of the plan of God.. and I truly accept and respect that.. I think He knows all the consequences if I myself will be the one who will decide and make choices on my life.. without His consent or any, I know He knows what will happen to me if He will not guide me and control me on doing things like letting myself in deep emotions until i forgot all what's reality... Thats it.. I know that.. Hmmnn.. Why am I like this now?.. maybe because of the ENVIRONMENT.. again.. because of the things happening around me.. it just happened that i am too anxious and uncomfortable of the ideas that is for me unworthy to think of.. I dont know!.. Im too insane... Maybe because of too much admiration to Mr. N.. ahahaha! and i see him to my former classmate.. , with that.. i am too anxious.. hmmn.. whats on my mind then?.. Hmmn. basta.. its all about jeff.. what he's up to and what do i need to do on false thinkings about him.. mga "Tamang Hinala".. hmmn.. anyway.. I'll just wait.. as said above.. and i think im too busy to have those mentality on comitment.. hmmn.. ill just ride what God wants me to be.. Go on the flow and ride as if I'm with God....
Thanks to Him..
--stop it!!
being what??...
within this days.. i was in the state of again-being confused and something like i want something.. yesterday.. we had just a devotion, volunteered-devotion together with my groupmates.. it just said that..
"We should wait until God gave us what those we want.. Keep the faith and He will give that to us on the right time.."
Yes.. That's what im into.. why do i keep on searching?, keep on minding things that soon will be made if God approves.. Why am i too excited and anxious on the things that maybe not for my time yet. when I see other people together with their loved ones.. i have the feeling of When can I have that ones too?.. When can i feel the true emotions and true love, true care and true TRUST.. ?? When..? When this comes on my mind.. I just let it flow until I have get rid of it through my sleep.. But again, it keeps on distructing me. Hmmn.. Yes.. I do want to wait.. Wait until God has given me the opportunity.. I know.. this is one of the plan of God.. and I truly accept and respect that.. I think He knows all the consequences if I myself will be the one who will decide and make choices on my life.. without His consent or any, I know He knows what will happen to me if He will not guide me and control me on doing things like letting myself in deep emotions until i forgot all what's reality... Thats it.. I know that.. Hmmnn.. Why am I like this now?.. maybe because of the ENVIRONMENT.. again.. because of the things happening around me.. it just happened that i am too anxious and uncomfortable of the ideas that is for me unworthy to think of.. I dont know!.. Im too insane... Maybe because of too much admiration to Mr. N.. ahahaha! and i see him to my former classmate.. , with that.. i am too anxious.. hmmn.. whats on my mind then?.. Hmmn. basta.. its all about jeff.. what he's up to and what do i need to do on false thinkings about him.. mga "Tamang Hinala".. hmmn.. anyway.. I'll just wait.. as said above.. and i think im too busy to have those mentality on comitment.. hmmn.. ill just ride what God wants me to be.. Go on the flow and ride as if I'm with God....
Thanks to Him..
--stop it!!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
expectations..
wait.. i think i must take a break first.. actually, ngayon lang ako ulit nagkaron ng tym to ryt here in my blog and unfortunately.. as always its because of something that i need to express and something i cant figure out all by myself.
it's been a week or probably 5 days ago since i celebrated my debut and i think im not yet able to get over with it. that time.. i dont know if im happy or not but im sure to myself that somehow it gave so much happiness on me.. those memories that i will cherish all through out my life.. expectations are not meant just to see yourself being there.. it's just a thinking what might happen.. expect the unexpected.. that's what they say..
and so.. what's happening with me ryt now?.. if im happy then why am i not getting over with it..? i hope i could be.. i cant focus yet.. i cant study seriously and i cant do all the things i must do.. what's happening with me??.. a while ago.. i just took the personality disoerder test here in the internet and this are the results;
Disorder RatingParanoid: Very HighSchizoid: ModerateSchizotypal: ModerateAntisocial: HighBorderline: LowHistrionic: HighNarcissistic: Very HighAvoidant: HighDependent: ModerateObsessive-Compulsive: Low
It's shows that I'm very paranoid and narcissistic..
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant. They usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges.
Symptoms of Paranoid Personality Disorder:
Unwillingness to forgive perceived insults
Excessive sensitivity to setbacks
Distrustfulness and excessive self-reliance
Projection of blame onto others
Consumed by anticipation of betrayal
Combative and tenacious adherence to personal rights
Relentlessly suspicious
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. Narcissists tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
Requires excessive praise and admiration
Takes advantage of others
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Lack of empathy
Lying, to self and others
Obsessed with fantasies of fame, power, or beauty
and so that;s the result...
whats the cause of this then..??
hmmn.. i think it is all because of what just happen last saturday on my debut..
although im very satisfied with the outcome.. still there are regrets that comes to my mind.. and there were things that i supposed didnt do..
first.. i was very dissapointed to my college classmates because they didnt even give notice that they will not attend on my party.., not only my college friends but also to my highschool and some other friends i know.. i even bother to put their names in my invitation card and yet they didnt even i come.. i should have list those who are very promising to come.. and that's my fault then... honestly im very dissapointed and hurt that time.. also.. because of what i just did.. i keep on reminding them that im inviting them to come and when they told me they wouldnt be coming, i insisted that they should come.. to think na kinukulit ko pa sila para lang pumunta sila sa party ko.. kkainis.. why did i do that?? hmmnn.. that's what im really bothered of.. what kind of friends they are..?/ after i gave trust to them.. thay just let me fall and turn their back in front of me.. i dont like that.. itskk.. maybe it was also my fault because i expect that all of them will come and see me transformed because of turning from boyish to a little lady dressed in gown.. tskk..
i want to get over with those things kaya naman i wrote here.. i didnt tell this to anybody.. and i think my fruiends and also my mom are really confused on what am i in righty now.. kahapon.. i misplaced the P600 peso boundary and i felt bad on myslef then.. my mom was thinking something on me and thinks that im not in myslef anymore.. then a while ago, my friend asked me if i have any problem?? i said i havent.. but to be honest i think i have but i dont want to tell them.. i want it to be resolve all by myself.. i know this will pass and i know ill overcome all these thoughts.
but anyway.. to be honest im happy that day and i hope God will not be mad at me because of some things im not satisfied with.. i hope ill get over with this and so pls help me God.....
it's been a week or probably 5 days ago since i celebrated my debut and i think im not yet able to get over with it. that time.. i dont know if im happy or not but im sure to myself that somehow it gave so much happiness on me.. those memories that i will cherish all through out my life.. expectations are not meant just to see yourself being there.. it's just a thinking what might happen.. expect the unexpected.. that's what they say..
and so.. what's happening with me ryt now?.. if im happy then why am i not getting over with it..? i hope i could be.. i cant focus yet.. i cant study seriously and i cant do all the things i must do.. what's happening with me??.. a while ago.. i just took the personality disoerder test here in the internet and this are the results;
Disorder RatingParanoid: Very HighSchizoid: ModerateSchizotypal: ModerateAntisocial: HighBorderline: LowHistrionic: HighNarcissistic: Very HighAvoidant: HighDependent: ModerateObsessive-Compulsive: Low
It's shows that I'm very paranoid and narcissistic..
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant. They usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges.
Symptoms of Paranoid Personality Disorder:
Unwillingness to forgive perceived insults
Excessive sensitivity to setbacks
Distrustfulness and excessive self-reliance
Projection of blame onto others
Consumed by anticipation of betrayal
Combative and tenacious adherence to personal rights
Relentlessly suspicious
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. Narcissists tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
Requires excessive praise and admiration
Takes advantage of others
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Lack of empathy
Lying, to self and others
Obsessed with fantasies of fame, power, or beauty
and so that;s the result...
whats the cause of this then..??
hmmn.. i think it is all because of what just happen last saturday on my debut..
although im very satisfied with the outcome.. still there are regrets that comes to my mind.. and there were things that i supposed didnt do..
first.. i was very dissapointed to my college classmates because they didnt even give notice that they will not attend on my party.., not only my college friends but also to my highschool and some other friends i know.. i even bother to put their names in my invitation card and yet they didnt even i come.. i should have list those who are very promising to come.. and that's my fault then... honestly im very dissapointed and hurt that time.. also.. because of what i just did.. i keep on reminding them that im inviting them to come and when they told me they wouldnt be coming, i insisted that they should come.. to think na kinukulit ko pa sila para lang pumunta sila sa party ko.. kkainis.. why did i do that?? hmmnn.. that's what im really bothered of.. what kind of friends they are..?/ after i gave trust to them.. thay just let me fall and turn their back in front of me.. i dont like that.. itskk.. maybe it was also my fault because i expect that all of them will come and see me transformed because of turning from boyish to a little lady dressed in gown.. tskk..
i want to get over with those things kaya naman i wrote here.. i didnt tell this to anybody.. and i think my fruiends and also my mom are really confused on what am i in righty now.. kahapon.. i misplaced the P600 peso boundary and i felt bad on myslef then.. my mom was thinking something on me and thinks that im not in myslef anymore.. then a while ago, my friend asked me if i have any problem?? i said i havent.. but to be honest i think i have but i dont want to tell them.. i want it to be resolve all by myself.. i know this will pass and i know ill overcome all these thoughts.
but anyway.. to be honest im happy that day and i hope God will not be mad at me because of some things im not satisfied with.. i hope ill get over with this and so pls help me God.....
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
NUMB
seems that i am starting to be confused and be frustrated this time. Whew!.. i hope i will have a good grade this summer class in our ncm100.. whew. a while ago until now, im very frustrated because of the result of my quiz in this subject. tapos last friday, i got 2 mpls na already... whew.. and this friday will be the continuation. i hope di na ko ma-mpl this time.. help me God..
competitiveness....???????
i do want that word but i cant refuse to hate it. because im starting to be conscious with my grades and be insecure to others with whom have higher grades than me. whew!.. i hope i am as strong as a bamboo, no one can ever make me fall, no one can ever destroy!!!!!
NUMB in all pains, hardships and a lot things in this world.. if i could be then why not?..
but seems.. always impossible!
whew!
-frustrated enough to be like this...
competitiveness....???????
i do want that word but i cant refuse to hate it. because im starting to be conscious with my grades and be insecure to others with whom have higher grades than me. whew!.. i hope i am as strong as a bamboo, no one can ever make me fall, no one can ever destroy!!!!!
NUMB in all pains, hardships and a lot things in this world.. if i could be then why not?..
but seems.. always impossible!
whew!
-frustrated enough to be like this...
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Summer
Our summer classes were already started and i have the
feeling of too much tardiness. Ang init! tapos mafefeel
mong kau lang tao sa skul. Sa nagyon, although kilala ko
na un karamihan sa klase, uncomfortable na naman ako sa
kanila. ewan ko lang kung bakit. siguro dahil sa
kakaumpisa lang nga ng summer tapos new friends and new
classmates na naman - although kilala ko nnman sila -
bagong pakikisama ulit at bagong paraan ng
pakikipagkasundo sa kanila, or should i say bagong nica
nanaman ang ipapakita ko or makikita nila sa akin.
during the previous sem, on our community, i could say
that i have changed. i was able to change my personality,
my self-esteem as well as the way i talk and communicate
with my classmates. and with that change, i could say that
it totally make my self-esteem high and be confident in
everything i do unlike my 1st yr to 2nd yr 2nd sem stay in
LPU. that change was influenced by my peers-my classmates
and for me with my peers during 2nd sem, i have found the
comfort, trust and satisfaction of having friends within
the school.
by this summer class, i hope i can also be more
comfortable and be truly i am when i am with them.
actually, what hinders my personality is what i see my
friends think of me. my self-esteem lowered when they
think that i am not that good, i have no right to speak up
some important things, also some right to speak and make
some jokes, and the like. also, i think what hinders me is
my insecurity to some of them - to be honest, insecure
with those grade conscious students - the scholars.
although i always tell myself that we were just equal and
i can prove that i can beat them, still the word scholar
always made it best. kaya naman, the feeling of regretness
always comes to my mind but still i accept what i have
done and try not to feel bad about what ive done wrong.
Going back to the summer classes, hmmn. i think di pa
talaga ako masyadong nakakapagmove-on with my schedule and
as always, the feeling na bumabagal ulit ung oras dahil
sira na ulit yung time frame mo at dapat mo nang baguhin
dahil may new schedule ka na. and i hope mag-enjoy naman
ako this summer, i hope maging maayos pa din ung mga
grades ko and i know eventually, makkapagmove-on na ko sa
schedule pati na rin sa mga classmates ko ngayon.
however, natatawa na lang ako pag naiisip ko yung mga tipo
ng professor na meron kami. feeling ko parang napakabait
nila sa amin at parang nasa isang seminar lang kami, the
only thing that gives me challenge and fear is only when
they give quizes and exams, the rest parang wala lang.
naisip ko to dahil sa mga pinapakita ng mga prof ko
ngayon.. hmmm. ay may biglang pumasok sa utak ko.. i dont
want to say anything na lang kasi baka mabago at
mabaligtad pa pagdating ko ng next level.. heheh.. basta
masasabi ko napakafriendly ni mam sipin, iniisip niya
talaga kung ano yung mas mapapadali sa amin at mas
makapagbibigay sa amin ng saya at pag-asa when it comes to
studies... heheh. i love it!.. sana lahat ng prof ganon..
hehhe..
ayan.. mju nabunutan na ako ng tinik ngayon kasi nasabi ko
yung ibang gusto kong sabihin at may nakausap at
napaglabasan na ako ng saloobin. sa ngayon, nakakondisyon
na ko pra mag-aral ng nutrition at makapagadjust sa bago
kong environment sa klase (although di naman totally
nag-iba, ung feeling lang na bagong section and so bago
friends, bagong pakikitungo at bagong personality na naman
ata).. Naiiba-iba tlaga ang personality when there's new
things that comes to your life> tingin ko naman hindi,
kasi kung ano ka un talaga ang mapapakita mo at makikita
nila sayo, do therefore di ka nagbabago.. un nga lang...
hmmn. (ay wag nang kunontra pa, basta kung ano ka un ka
tlaga, di mo na kailangan magpretend ng kung anu man..
ok??)
hehehehe..
"personality mode nanaman!"
heheh.. ciao!
feeling of too much tardiness. Ang init! tapos mafefeel
mong kau lang tao sa skul. Sa nagyon, although kilala ko
na un karamihan sa klase, uncomfortable na naman ako sa
kanila. ewan ko lang kung bakit. siguro dahil sa
kakaumpisa lang nga ng summer tapos new friends and new
classmates na naman - although kilala ko nnman sila -
bagong pakikisama ulit at bagong paraan ng
pakikipagkasundo sa kanila, or should i say bagong nica
nanaman ang ipapakita ko or makikita nila sa akin.
during the previous sem, on our community, i could say
that i have changed. i was able to change my personality,
my self-esteem as well as the way i talk and communicate
with my classmates. and with that change, i could say that
it totally make my self-esteem high and be confident in
everything i do unlike my 1st yr to 2nd yr 2nd sem stay in
LPU. that change was influenced by my peers-my classmates
and for me with my peers during 2nd sem, i have found the
comfort, trust and satisfaction of having friends within
the school.
by this summer class, i hope i can also be more
comfortable and be truly i am when i am with them.
actually, what hinders my personality is what i see my
friends think of me. my self-esteem lowered when they
think that i am not that good, i have no right to speak up
some important things, also some right to speak and make
some jokes, and the like. also, i think what hinders me is
my insecurity to some of them - to be honest, insecure
with those grade conscious students - the scholars.
although i always tell myself that we were just equal and
i can prove that i can beat them, still the word scholar
always made it best. kaya naman, the feeling of regretness
always comes to my mind but still i accept what i have
done and try not to feel bad about what ive done wrong.
Going back to the summer classes, hmmn. i think di pa
talaga ako masyadong nakakapagmove-on with my schedule and
as always, the feeling na bumabagal ulit ung oras dahil
sira na ulit yung time frame mo at dapat mo nang baguhin
dahil may new schedule ka na. and i hope mag-enjoy naman
ako this summer, i hope maging maayos pa din ung mga
grades ko and i know eventually, makkapagmove-on na ko sa
schedule pati na rin sa mga classmates ko ngayon.
however, natatawa na lang ako pag naiisip ko yung mga tipo
ng professor na meron kami. feeling ko parang napakabait
nila sa amin at parang nasa isang seminar lang kami, the
only thing that gives me challenge and fear is only when
they give quizes and exams, the rest parang wala lang.
naisip ko to dahil sa mga pinapakita ng mga prof ko
ngayon.. hmmm. ay may biglang pumasok sa utak ko.. i dont
want to say anything na lang kasi baka mabago at
mabaligtad pa pagdating ko ng next level.. heheh.. basta
masasabi ko napakafriendly ni mam sipin, iniisip niya
talaga kung ano yung mas mapapadali sa amin at mas
makapagbibigay sa amin ng saya at pag-asa when it comes to
studies... heheh. i love it!.. sana lahat ng prof ganon..
hehhe..
ayan.. mju nabunutan na ako ng tinik ngayon kasi nasabi ko
yung ibang gusto kong sabihin at may nakausap at
napaglabasan na ako ng saloobin. sa ngayon, nakakondisyon
na ko pra mag-aral ng nutrition at makapagadjust sa bago
kong environment sa klase (although di naman totally
nag-iba, ung feeling lang na bagong section and so bago
friends, bagong pakikitungo at bagong personality na naman
ata).. Naiiba-iba tlaga ang personality when there's new
things that comes to your life> tingin ko naman hindi,
kasi kung ano ka un talaga ang mapapakita mo at makikita
nila sayo, do therefore di ka nagbabago.. un nga lang...
hmmn. (ay wag nang kunontra pa, basta kung ano ka un ka
tlaga, di mo na kailangan magpretend ng kung anu man..
ok??)
hehehehe..
"personality mode nanaman!"
heheh.. ciao!
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