Fly..

oh.. what a day...

it seems that i long for some fun.. FUNNY-thing ALONE.. Bonding with myself?.. Whhoaahh... I enjoyed it.. though I have so many things to do.. So many plans to make.. I wasnt able to concentrate until I satisfy myself from these-funny-stuff-thing. Maybe a kind of motivation for me..

Before I decided to go for some out-of-the-academe-mood.. I was reading alterations in respi and I wasnt able to concentrate most.. Why?.. Maybe because Im preoccupied with something/somethings/Someone???

Oh...

First...

I think because of the so many plans I have wrote in my list.. I cant decide which will I do first. When will I do.. And what would be my motivation to do it.. I cant find any...

Next.. Because of that thinking.. Motivation..Plans.. And all those stuff.. I was just fantasizing for someone in order for me to get on the mood and be lively enough to study and do all my plans..

But as I go on.. I observed that I cannot focus anymore.. I cant concentrate.. I cannot find myself studying... I think while looking at the book.. Im daydreaming... Until I have realized that I want to sleep first and then after 30 mins. I will continue reading...

But that didnt really what happened.. While my eyes were close, my mind is looking for some worthy things that I should do aside from sleeping and daydreaming while studying...

Until my mind decided to go outside. Go out of the room.. Out of the room where in I will not be so sleepy and unworthy to think of someone that is probably not also that worthy to think of .

So there.. I went to the school to borrow book in P.E and O.R.. and then I went straight to MOA.. Thinking that I might be meeting the eye I want.. But ofcourse always impossible.. Unless destiny will let us and agree... So there, while in MOA I have realized that I enjoy shopping. Shopping eventhough I do not have that so much money to buy all the things I want.. I felt Im free. I felt that my schedule is not that busy enough to let myself be free of the academe, selfcenteredness and so much undying unworthy stuffs, even for as while.. And so that's it.. While I kept myself busy on looking for some things I need, I realized that I was enjoying.. that my mind got out of the preoccupation-things.. And so I felt it became so helpful.. Eventhough that's not really my motive on going to that mall, eventhough our eyes didnt met, eventhough I didnt see him.. Im happy enough on what I did.. And that's because I feel that Im enjoying myself.. I dont need anyone to make me happy.. make me feel the way I feel when Im alone.. Being free, with nothing else to worry about.. I love it...

And so that's it.. Ahmm. Anyway.. As I have said before I enter to that mall, if I ever I didnt find the one I want.. Ill not force myself anymore.. Ill not let myself feel that Im desperate.. I dont want that word to describe me..

Just for me to decide that I need to go on the flow and just let God lead me on the way...

Hmmn.. Be cool... Be free... of the worries, anxities, assignments and all.. be free.. Fly and still I know I can reach it!... Anything I want....

So help me God...


Waaaahhh..

bugs..

Im trying now to be clearer enough to atleast know what really I mean for this some kinda helpful pad..

As of now, I am thrilled with the med-surg-thing effect.. taking into consideration that our lecturers are really that "thrilled" themselves.. Thinking and also just seeing them makes my abdomen stiffen and my heart to pump faster..

But ofcourse I dont want this feeling to take effect and rule out for the rest of my lecture days in m/s. I know this will just ruin my mentality and I think I got this feeling because im not yet used to them (to the two of them.. Calayan and Gonzales).

Meanwhile, just a few minutes before, I was viewing the profile of this some-kinda mysterious?weird?ghetto-chick?? or someone I do not really imagine the attitude.. This person... I cant imagine she could do all the stuffs in this world. I think I adore her for that. She do all those interesting stuffs that so far I cant say I could do in the future..

She's so free.. She's busy yet she could do all the gimiks and all.. How could she do that?.. I totally admire her.. (Maybe she's not that busy?...I dunno)

Not just by the way she teach us (eventhough I got some low grade in her quizzes a few weeks ago).. but also the way she deal with her life..

.. The way she dress, speak, think and all the way she do-I think.. I almost admire her most!...

She's so smart.. she's pretty... she's so cool.. she's rich (I think).. with all those car, things that you could see in a rich person..

Whew...



but I dont think she's kind and thoughtful just like the other profs I'd encounter...

I dont think so.. maybe Im wrong for that.. I dont really know her yet.. So I must not assume..

I hope I could deal with her properly.. In a way that I'll not be degraded.. and I will not feel some kinda worthless creature...

Overcoming her attitude really is the greatest challenge for me...

I hope I could...



Well anyway..

So 2nd semester is now really on-going.. And they all said that this is the heardest sem for the entire nursing course.. I dont think so.. Let us assume that I dont know that.. Because if I keep on instilling those thought in my mind, it could probably be true.. So.. I'll not let my fears overrule...

But ofcourse anxiety is still always there.. As they've said.. mild anxiety is healthy... So ill not avoid that feeling.. Maybe Im getting used to that...



---------------------



Retdem thing...


Actually.. This week. We had our return demonstration with the 52 skills i think.. and Im so happy and proud because I'd overcome the fear of not making it.. Its really an accomplishment for me.. Thank God..

And for now.. We'll be on the hospital until the end of the sem.. And I hope Ill learn more...





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hmmn.. with my motivation-thing....

I think Im just making myself too obsessed again.. With this guy!!!!..

grrrrrhh!!.. I hate it.. If I could just ignore him.. I would.. But I cant.. He keeps on bugging my mind.. Eventhough he is not actually bugging me..(maybe Im the one who has the problem) I keep on thinking that he's part of--- eerr!!! Im making it so deep. I hate it!.. So STUPID! I hate it.. I want to finally deal with it!... Maybe if I had the opportunity....



Maybe sometime..

Got to go..



Im being closed by this shop.. Haha.. (Wrong enough!) ggrrhh!..



Its too late now..

Minute-break

Two days..? ah one day na lang pla.. pasukan na naman.. Bagong mga pagsubok na ulit at bagong mga gawain..

Well.. After my vacation and all.. I could say that of all the vacations I had.. This was the most productive one.. Kahit na magastos.. Masaya ako dahil nabasa ko ang twilight series.. Except on the last.. Ill work for that this first week siguro ng pasukan.. Naout of time ako eh.. Im happy ksi I was able to occupy my thoughts with something worth doing for... Di ko nasayang ang oras at di ako nakapagisip ng mga kabaliwan ko to the max.. Waahh.

Well.. Im happy for now talaga...

Lalo na nung nalaman ko ung GPA and grade ko sa NCM.. Waahh.. I made it.. naka1.75 ako.. and it was all self fulfiling.. My sweats deserves its worth.. Waahh..

I hope the next of my NCM ganun pa din.. Waahh, I hope I could maintain this one.. Waah.. Yun lang talaga gusto ko as of now.. Waaahh..

Thank God talaga.. Waaahh....