All those stuffs.. All those pending examinations.. All those sleepless nights.. At last I could now finally feel the essence of being a student, or should I say the most awaited time of most of the students.. Its been a while where in my anxieties about my pending examinations are at its peak and I couldn't imagine that Ive overcome all of those.. Thanks for my savior. He let me have the wisdom and the courage to answer all those questions and let me remember all those concepts I needed.. Sleepless nights for now are temporarily over.. Anxieties are now gone.. And its time for me to ready myself for more anxieties and sleepless nights I will be encountering for the incoming semester..
As of now, my mind keeps on telling me that I should express my feelings about what I have achieved this semester. Actually, I planned to be one of the best in school but I cant overcome the pressure it gives to me. One of the best - not as being top, or being a scholar, but one of those students that have the capacity to do all the necessary activities intended for him/her.., also.. maybe one of the dean's lister instead...
Last semesters.. From 1st year college to 2nd yr 1st sem.. I was able to have a GPA not greater that 1.75.. (means 1.6.. or something).. I got those GPA easily.. Maybe I could say "no sweat".. maybe somehow it have but it was not as too pressured like for now..
Last week.. I just realized the the worth of being a dean's lister.. When I was just a first year.. I never intended to be on the list.. Wala nga akong pakialam kung masama man ako o hindi eh.. Basta I just have the thinking na I should do my best.. and whatever grade I will have.. I accept.. because I know its me who did my grade and I shouldnt regret...
But for now.. Im starting to be regretful.. First.. last 2nd sem 2nd year. I wasnt able to maintain that 1.75 below mark.. I'm not that too anxious when I got my grade before.. but for now.. I feel the lost of it... Huli na noh..??
Hmmn. anyway... my mind is now turning into "Hayaan mo na.. Ok lang yun..."..
Atleast I have proven myself that I am learning.. That's the most important part of it.. Not just because you are too pressurized with your environment and because you are a grade conscious student.. Its the knowledge and skills learned that is important.. Not for any reasons..
As of now.. I knew already my grade in Pharma and Strat.. And it just lined with my expectations.. But for now.. Im worried for my grade in NCM.. I hope I make it in line with my expectation.. Im starting now to accept that I cant make to be on the list. But instead... I hope my grade in NCM is worthy for my sweats..
I hope so...
[Its been this time that I became such a school-age and I hate it!!.. I hope I'll not be like that for the next semester... I dont wanna compete to anyone.. I just want to do things on my own... Without the pressures of someone or something.... I hope I'll be such carefree as possible in terms of my grades.. Carefree on achieving good and satisfying high grades.. ]
Smiley... ;p
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Time
Why cant you make your time more productive and efficient?
Cant you feel the pressure it brings when you have insufficient time to make all your assignments/homeworks?
Time is like a wheel that continously rolling over your precious life. You cant feel the life without integrating all the necessary activities that you used or might not used to do. Time is really precious and its up to you on how you deal with it - as precious as life could be. You yourself have the power to handle your time well - its up to you if you will waste your time or not, make your life productive or not as time could allow.
As of now, I feel the pressure of the overflowing information and concepts I need to incalcate in my mind because of the pending examinations we need to pass for this coming weeks. I should have been reading books than writing here but I cant see the essence of that attitude because I think it will just make me more anxious, prolonging the agony. For me, ideas/information seem to enter in my head for a second then will disappear and will go out of my circulation after a few second. I hope I had a better memory to digest and to remember all the necessary concepts I need to understand for me to pass and to prove that I am learning. I want to see myself learning everyday. I dont want my time to be wasted and doing nothing for the rest of the day. Although it gives some relaxation moment, I could still look and find for something that is more toxic and more interesting, for me not to think of things that is unworthy.
I admire very much my professors because they have good and should I say very long-term memory to remember all concepts that is needed in our profession. You will ask them certain question and they immediately aswer you back right after. Seems like a reflex. I hope I could be like them. I admire them so much.. I am looking forward that in times that I will be asked by someone about certain topics with regards to my profession, I could confidently answer right away. I hope I could be that one...
Anyway.. My pending examinations are nearly coming to the end point of the time. And I could sense that those examinations will be given either at the same weeks or same day.. Gosh!! I hope I could integrate and remember all the concepts for me to answer all the applied questions.
These are the pending exams:
[FOR NCM]
- Health Promotion Strategy from Intrauterine to Elderly: (intrauterine, infants, toddlers, preschooler, school-age, adolescents, yound adult, middle adult and older adult)
- Oxygenation (For watch-out!!)
- Metabolism (For watch-out!!)
- Fluid and Electrolytes
- Infection Control, Immunology and Inflammatory
- Perception and Coordination
- Reproduction and Sexuality
- Cellular Abberation
- Human behavior
[FOR PHARMA]
- Drugs for Cardiovascular System (dyslipidemia, hypertension, angina pectoris and myocardial infarction, dysrhythmias)
- Drugs for Gastrointestinal Disorder
- Drug for Fluid-Balance, Electrolyte and Acid Base Disorders
- Drug for Nutritional Disorder
- Drug therapy for Endocrine System (thyroid, DM)
- Drug for Nervous System Disorders
- Drug for Neuromuscular Disorder
- Drug for Psychiatric Condition
- Drugs for Inflammatory an Immune System
- Drugs for Infectious Disorders (antibiotic, antimycotic, antiprotozoal, antihelminthics, antivirals)
- Drugs for Neoplasia
- Drugs for Acute Biologic Crisis (Shock, Renal Failure)
- Emergency Preparedness
----We only have 2 weeks left and we need to finish all those above topics in pharma from FnE to Emergency Preparedness. There are a lot of drugs we need to remember and we need to know.. How could I answer for the exam if I have been overloaded with information.. I hope I could remember and answer correctly on our final exam... Waaahhh.. So help me po Lord God....
[FOR STRAT]
- Developmental Strategies on Teaching
- Writing Behavioral Objectives
Waaaaaahh.. Im so pressured with all of these.........
As of now.. I need to do my NCP pa.... waahhh..
No time for extracurricular activities, no time for social life and no time for unworthy things. But still im carefree and still doing unworthy things.. still using my time for nothing.... Gosh.. I need to set limits muna and focus more..... Waahh. BAN muna YM and FRIENDSTER... Social life also... After this saka plang ako magsasaya.... Waahhh....
Actually at school I want to be quiet and talk to myself for the whole time but I cant make it.. I cant help but to talk and be jolly and happy.. Tsk.. I want to be serious by this time.....
So pls.. help me po talaga Oh Lord God.. Pls... Thank you po..
-Bibs.. (anxious again) 9.30 na pla......
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Perfectionism
Has anyone of you encountered the word perfect, perfection, perfectionism and perfectionist?
From the word itself perfect means having all the qualities, excellences, or elements that are requisite to its nature or kind; without defect or lack; consummated; supremely excellent; complete. Perfection is the state or condition of being perfect; supreme excellence. Perfectionism is the theory that moral perfection may be attained, or has been attained, by men; variously held and taught by different sects and schools. Perfectionist is the one who demands an exceedingly high degree of excellence in the performance, behavior, etc., of himself or in that of others, he is the one who adheres to the theory of perfectionism.
From these words, thoughts, ideas and callouts are entering my head - keeping me disturbed and feel anxious above all my used defense mechanisms.
There's no such thing as perfect. There's no such perfect person who can be excellent above all the circumstances. There's no such thing as perfect student nor perfect classmate and perfect friend. There's no perfect daughter as the parents could think of, nor perfect sister as the brothers could viewed of. And there's no perfect person as the perfectionist could insist of.
From all of these stuff, all of these days I lived, I usually hear the phrase "Nobody is perfect". Yes indeed, nobody's perfect. But there's some persons who used to attain perfect scores, perfect grades, perfect life, perfect family, and perfect himself/herself. And this just proves that some person are used to be perfectionist.
And so where would I belong myself?.. Am i a perfectionist person?, pretending to be perfect at all times? or sick and tired of being perfectionist?..
Perfectionism creates a lot of pressure. It makes you feel frustrated, angry, inferior and envious. But when you attained it, it makes you feel happy, fulfilled and strong, with a high level of self-esteem.
Within my life, I used to be perfectionist one - esepecially on school, family and friends. But I could say that Im tired of thinking things to be almost perfect or should I say a life that seems to be no problem, no difficulty, no worries and no pain at all - a life that is perfect.
Im tired. Why is then so?, Tired maybe because of hoping things to be smoothly going...
When I was young, I used to be a passive child. And now, I could feel that Im searching for something.. searching for some perfect things to happen.
I want my mind to speak. And as of now, it keeps on asking why?, confused of things that is concerned about being perfect, attaining an environment perfect to life.. In school, I keep on hoping that everything will be perfect.. all the things will go and flow with what I think of.. with what I expect. And sometimes because my expectations didnt work, my mind turned into frustrations, envy and disappointments. Because of this disappointments, frustrations and envious feeling, I engaged to things that makes me imperfect. Imperfect in a sense that I could feel the worth and essence of my existence. This is in sense that I wanted to be like others that can do what they used and want to do.. like smoking, drinking alcohol and even abusing substances. When I was young, a child who is unaware of how things are flowing, I hate those kind of activities. But now, Im starting to engage on one of those and maybe if still be tolerated it will become worse and come to the point where in I couldnt even know myself already.
Why am I searching for imperfectionism?.. Maybe because Im sick and tired of searching for perfectionism, tired of hoping that things will exist according to what I want and what I expect that results to frustrations and disappointments. In order for me not to feel those.. I engaged myself to things that makes me imperfect.. and as of now, I could see the help it brings to me....
I know it is not advisable to do all those stuff but it is not as easy as it could be dealing with stress, frustrations and disappointments. I cant find any thing that makes me feel secured and comfortable for a while. Dealing with this helps me to even feel that I should live my life with full strength and go on the flow..
As of now, the boat is sinking and I think I let my self be drown.... Im so helpless.
From the word itself perfect means having all the qualities, excellences, or elements that are requisite to its nature or kind; without defect or lack; consummated; supremely excellent; complete. Perfection is the state or condition of being perfect; supreme excellence. Perfectionism is the theory that moral perfection may be attained, or has been attained, by men; variously held and taught by different sects and schools. Perfectionist is the one who demands an exceedingly high degree of excellence in the performance, behavior, etc., of himself or in that of others, he is the one who adheres to the theory of perfectionism.
From these words, thoughts, ideas and callouts are entering my head - keeping me disturbed and feel anxious above all my used defense mechanisms.
There's no such thing as perfect. There's no such perfect person who can be excellent above all the circumstances. There's no such thing as perfect student nor perfect classmate and perfect friend. There's no perfect daughter as the parents could think of, nor perfect sister as the brothers could viewed of. And there's no perfect person as the perfectionist could insist of.
From all of these stuff, all of these days I lived, I usually hear the phrase "Nobody is perfect". Yes indeed, nobody's perfect. But there's some persons who used to attain perfect scores, perfect grades, perfect life, perfect family, and perfect himself/herself. And this just proves that some person are used to be perfectionist.
And so where would I belong myself?.. Am i a perfectionist person?, pretending to be perfect at all times? or sick and tired of being perfectionist?..
Perfectionism creates a lot of pressure. It makes you feel frustrated, angry, inferior and envious. But when you attained it, it makes you feel happy, fulfilled and strong, with a high level of self-esteem.
Within my life, I used to be perfectionist one - esepecially on school, family and friends. But I could say that Im tired of thinking things to be almost perfect or should I say a life that seems to be no problem, no difficulty, no worries and no pain at all - a life that is perfect.
Im tired. Why is then so?, Tired maybe because of hoping things to be smoothly going...
When I was young, I used to be a passive child. And now, I could feel that Im searching for something.. searching for some perfect things to happen.
I want my mind to speak. And as of now, it keeps on asking why?, confused of things that is concerned about being perfect, attaining an environment perfect to life.. In school, I keep on hoping that everything will be perfect.. all the things will go and flow with what I think of.. with what I expect. And sometimes because my expectations didnt work, my mind turned into frustrations, envy and disappointments. Because of this disappointments, frustrations and envious feeling, I engaged to things that makes me imperfect. Imperfect in a sense that I could feel the worth and essence of my existence. This is in sense that I wanted to be like others that can do what they used and want to do.. like smoking, drinking alcohol and even abusing substances. When I was young, a child who is unaware of how things are flowing, I hate those kind of activities. But now, Im starting to engage on one of those and maybe if still be tolerated it will become worse and come to the point where in I couldnt even know myself already.
Why am I searching for imperfectionism?.. Maybe because Im sick and tired of searching for perfectionism, tired of hoping that things will exist according to what I want and what I expect that results to frustrations and disappointments. In order for me not to feel those.. I engaged myself to things that makes me imperfect.. and as of now, I could see the help it brings to me....
I know it is not advisable to do all those stuff but it is not as easy as it could be dealing with stress, frustrations and disappointments. I cant find any thing that makes me feel secured and comfortable for a while. Dealing with this helps me to even feel that I should live my life with full strength and go on the flow..
As of now, the boat is sinking and I think I let my self be drown.... Im so helpless.
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