end of the year

christmas had just passed by and i didnt even feel the happiness it brings.. however, the success of the presentation we have just prepared seems to be the gift i just received this christmas.. it happened in the same week of our prelims and because of that preparation, i wasnt able to review all my notes in my subjects, i just browsed in in 30 minutes and that's it, i entered the school having a little knowledge on the exam.. then it resulted to a low grade.. ofcourse!.. but, even i received a first-time-low-score., i was so happy because the one we did a lot of hardworks resulted to a high grade.,

anyway.. this time.. im just waiting for the year to be ended. and im so excited to the new year that will come.. What then would be my new year's resolution?... as of now, i can still remember what was my new year's resoultion before.. hmmmn.. and i could say, it didnt work.. although i did it for a half year.. still it didnt work.. i think new year's resolution is not that very important. but that will serve a principle for you..

what will be the very unforgettable moment next year?
will i ever have a boyfriend? or girlfriend?
will i ever develop to a boy or a girl?..
will i wear a clinical uniform and go to a hospital to have my duty?...
what would be my first time experience in a hospital?..

sigh..

i dont know.. still expect the unexpected..

bye!

infatuatiion

waw.. i realized now that im such a big whore!... hahah... all im thinking in my previous blog is just a feeling that seems to be not appropriate for me. its just an infatuation!.. hahaha.. seems like im a high school student thinking of a lover that dont feel the same way.. isa akong "tamang hinala"... as of now, i am so ashame with myself because of that thinking!.. grabeh... can i change this kind of mentality? can i think of things that is not stupid..? HOW??/ CAN SOMEONE HELP ME??.. why am i like this.. im such a stupid man thinking of things that is not meant for me... grabeh.. kkahiya talaga... asar!..

bestfriend??

12.08.078:10pm
aS for now.. i cant imagine myself to be like this. all i
want to talk is you. my blog. now, i was just arrived here
in our house and directly open my pc to be able to write
here and talk to someone.
now, i think im not that good because of too much liquor
that i inserted in my body a while ago.
all i could remember as for now.. is how my heart felt
when someone my friend told me of something that i couldnt
imagine he could told me. in the past.. all i know is im in
love with my friend whom we usually with during our
first sem in 2nd yr.. and note she's a girl.. but for now, i realized, after my
first time joining my friends in magz, i realized that im
about to fell inlove with a gay - my friend. i dont
really know myself anymore!! and i really hate this kind
of feeling. sigh...
for now.. im about in controlling myselfg because of too
much alcohol inside my body. and because of this i really
dont know whats really inside of me. all i know is that im
thinking about my friend whom i used to be with.
i really cant imagine that ill be like this.. sober. i
dont know if he fells also the same way.. but all i am
thinking is that a while ago.. i was hurt!
i dont know why.. maybe because i was hurt because of what
he sAid to me. and i cant control myself to cry! i really
hate that moment!
he is my friend, i know it.. but why am i feeling this
way? why am i feel that i am about to fell inlove with
him.. he's a gay.. and i am a girl.. but i dont know
myself.. maybe i am a lesbian and he is a gay.. and still
be compatible with each other. but i dont know if that was
really meant to be...
a while ago.. i cried because of what he said to me.. i
was just waiting for him.. and he really doesnt appreciate
what is my intention.. i just want him to be safe in
travelling home and i am waiting for him so that i can
assure that he is in the good place.. BUT.... why am i so
cared about him?? I really dont know.. all im after is he
will go home saf and sound.. and i really doesnt meant
that i will do mysterious things for him!!!
whew...
im so curious of what he have said to me a while ago.. and
what he told me.. abou that BESTFRIEND!!!! i really dont
know what he was talking about but i have the feeling that
it is about me and him.. i really dont know exactly but i
really felt that it was me he was saying mentioning
about.. am not sure but i feel it!!! ...
also, o really dont know why did i cry to him a while
ago.. all i know is that i was hurt... i dont know why...
an hour passed by and i saw him kissing with our girl
classmate.. and i dont feel anything.. i was then thinking
that 'ganon lang pla.. pra makiss xa ng ganun ng isnag
girl'... i dont really give ant malice in that! but why am
i reacting like this jow..?? why?? i really dont
know!!!!!!
cguro kailangan.. itulog ko muna ito.. grabeh.. sobra
yata akong natamaan knina... d ko tlaga maimagine na
ganito ang mangyayari...
sa monday.. di ko alam kung ano ang magging reaction ko
pag kaharap ko niya.. di ko tlga alam.. basta.. i am
looking forward na our friendship will stay the same as we
have in the past.. sana walang magbago.. kahit na nagpakita
ako ng ganon sa kaniya.. sana friends pa rin kami.. and
walang ilangang magaganap...
sa ngayon.. sobra yata akong natamaan..whew...
8.33 pm...