Open and excessive happiness.

This 1st semester of my 4th year gives me so much happiness and a lot of changes within my self - my attitude, my feelings, my moods and emotions, my environment and my perspective in studying. It really crashed my sleepy world but then its okay and I became so much happy that they wouldnt believe that it was me.

If I will to think of this too much happiness, I am really afraid of its consequences. Consequences that will eventually bring me to my depressed mood and loneliness.

I like this feeling. Being so carefree but then when there comes a trouble, we enjoy partnering each other. Enjoying while in the midst of time constraints activities, unit exams for tomorrows, etc.

I really love it.. my group, my feelings right now, my mood when there comes my friends, my groupmates. I really love it. But I am so afraid.. Afraid for my own actions. Afraid of letting them see the real me and then reject me if they tend to dislike my personality. I am so afraid.. I am so afraid to see and feel that they were just been untrue and plastic to me. I am so afraid. I am so afraid that I am only the one feeling this kind of happiness and making rude to myself and to other people.


I am so afraid. So I must control this excessive happiness and try to be on my modest mood. So that the impact of parting will seem to be so light. But it will be so hard ofcourse and I will just let myself be conscious about it. Maybe I will then just go with the flow while closing the so much open happiness.