Summer 2009

June.11.2009

This summer is kind a productive yet my body as well as my mind seems to be uncooperative.

First and foremost, I feel so grateful because I was able to attain a satisfactory grade for the year 2007-2008, my third year in CON. I was one of the Dean's Lister who was been recognized in the 1st Alumni, Recognition and Testimonial Dinner in the College. Eventhough Im not a scholar in the University, atleast Im one of the list. Though a part of me feels that Im not deserving, still my mind continues to uplift me and say that 'yes, my sweats worth it.' Its the attitude that most counts, right? I was able to overcome all my fears in my 3rd year in Lyceum - my fears towards my two 16-unit-major subject, my fear towards my strict yet so kind and considerate professors and my fear towards my own self: my attiude - laziness, helplessness sometimes, hopelessness, and my need of the motivation thing. Im so thankful because I was able to overcome all of those. I remember, the last time we had our post-conference in SM Lazo Medical Center, Mr. Gonzales reiterated that all of us were being taught of the knowledge we need, all of us were doing the same skills, but still there's always a person who usually stands out among others because of his/her attitude. Yes, all of us were being taught of the knowledge, the skills we needed, but still the attitude is the most important because if you dont have it, I think your work is so worthless. This concept is always reiterated to us. And I believe to it. By my last year in this college, Im looking forward to myself being with this attitude and seriousness in my studies. I still want to attain my goal to be one of the dean's lister and ofcourse to pass all my exams and eventually pass my board. I know everybody supports one another and Im sticking to God's will for me.

Going back, I ended my 1st and 2nd semester in 3rd year happy and content with my performance and my grades. But I will never forget the performance I did on my summer class. I was so lazy that time and some of my classmates thought of me being so 'pariwara', which I agreed with, especially to my Rizal course. Maybe because that subject seems to be so boring for me and I dont know the essence of studying the course. But there's no feeling of resentment ofcourse. Its my action, so Im responsible to it - that is one of my principles. I want to be as carefree as possible, mostly to the subjects that for me are not worthy for my seriousness. But my carefreeness seems to be so extreme that my major subject was been affected. I got many MPLs. I want to be mad at myself because I was been so careless in a wrong way. Maybe because of the hot weather which made me so lazy, the summer environment which made the other students to rest and us to go to duty and study, the new group which i can hardly deal with - the new groupmates whom I can hardly adopt with or maybe Im not open to them which made me not to integrate myself, some sort of a feeling of emptiness, motivation or something, mood-swings, personality problem and blah, blah, blah. These were the factors which I could say affects my attitude towards my 4-unit Related Learning Experience this summer. And when I got my grades, seems to be satisfactory but there's a feeling of some resentment. I know I can do better than that. But for me to feel good, I need to accept my fault, so I must face the consequences of my actions, better not to regret.