contd. Summer 2009

June.18.2009

As I try to remember and write all my memories this summer vacation 2009, I could say that I had a wonderful, productive yet sometimes boring and futile experience.

I ended my 2nd semester in 3rd year happy and content and tired. And as I face my summer class, I tend to be so carefree and so what I got was a grade not-so-fulfilling. Simultaneously, I cant imagine how I manage to throw up all my money and my actions. First, there was this business-thing that was endorsed to me by my high school classmate. Initially, I/ we thought that all of us for-eys will be having a gala mode and some sort of a psych-test by my BS Psychology-major-classmate. That time I was supposed to be joining my classmates in visiting Fort Bonifacio and Luneta as our major project in Rizal Course. And so unfortunately, I prioritized my high school friends rather than my project, so I ended up wasting a lot of money, a lot from my savings. Such a dumb idea right?

It was Saturday when we all went to Megamall. Having the thought of I will be answering some questionnaires for a psych-test for their thesis gave me the feeling of some excitement. But eventually, I got a feeling that something was wrong and I/ we was been trapped -- trapped by the idea of my high school friends who invited us. So my heart kept on pounding and beating and my mind continued asking 'where are we? where are we? what is happening?'. I cant believe my trusted friends trapped us and made us believe of something not true. We was been kidnapped. Kidnapped for a reason to have some big-money-profit-business. So the time comes when we were actually told of the real story that because of this business they were able to earn 8k a week and we must be open-minded and blah blah blah. So I came to believe. When we were crossing the pedestrian lane to reach this business-thing, I got the picture of it -- zoomed twice, trice, to its maximum image. I remembered my college classmates talking about this, chatting how they earn a lot of money from this business. Just invite and sell some of their products, you will be able to earn a lot. Initially I dont want to believe, but as time went by, I believed. I believed in a way that somehow maybe I could also earn a lot of money by just inviting and selling some of their products. So because I believe I opened my pocket and gave them my deposit - to have some reservations. Yes, I imagined how to be successful with this kind of business, how I will deal with my friends and neighbors to buy and join me in this business. I really imagined it as successful same as I imagined it as worthless to the point that I may fail. Fifty-fifty thinking. I cant weigh the one as being heavier than the other. Regardless of this, my mind continued to believe that somehow I will be able to earn just like those who are members. So the next time I went to this place I gave my second deposit. Actually, the payment was so big that I can not really afford to pay right a way. So I managed to give down payments in order to afford it easily. Because I really want to join and to pay fully and be a member in just a second, I went to pawnshops and asked what's the cost of my white gold bracelet. Oh, that costs 5k. The first time I went there, I only asked, and then for the second time I surrendered it. I dont know if Im fortunate or not in the time where in I got my 5k to be my full payment in the said company and my friend was not replying to my texts that I will go to the place and he must accompany me. Because I have a Recognition, Alumni and Testimonial Dinner to attend that time, I cant wait in his response. So the time of my waiting made me think so seriously. First, "having this money, if I go to the place right this time 1pm. I might be late in the event which will be held in school at 6pm." Second, "having this money, without my white gold bracelet knowing that my mother will use it for the event, she might wonder where is this bracelet and she might accuse someone, a member of the house steal it. And I dont want that to happen -- the fault is mine and she is accusing someone. That thought I cant take." Third, "having this money, without my white gold bracelet, I might lost both of it because of nothing, the negative feeling that I might not be able to return and get all of those. I feel so sorry for myself. Though they will always encourage me not to think of this negative side, I cant really take it." I sought help. Help from the Holy Spirit in making my decision. So an hour after, I decided to return the 5k, though it has an interest of 300, still I gave it back. With so many wasted money, full of resentment, still I must encourage myself to continue and serve this struggle as a challenge and a lesson for me of course. I throwed so many in trash - my money/ saving maybe max of 2k, my atm card, my principles, tsk. This should serve as a lesson!

Nothing but sweats worth your goods.
And we must think as frequent as possible before we act.
Weigh accordingly.
Seek help especially from God and others.

Of this summer season.. i learned how to drive a car and so for me it was then as great as any other event.. regardless of my faulty and worse experiences this vacation. hehe.

and also, at the same time I spent reading "Tweak" by Nic Sheff.. and I could say it helped me a lot to compensate and be free from my worries and anxieties brought about by my deeds and wrong doings with those days..


Thanks ofcourse to our dearest God..