Fly..

oh.. what a day...

it seems that i long for some fun.. FUNNY-thing ALONE.. Bonding with myself?.. Whhoaahh... I enjoyed it.. though I have so many things to do.. So many plans to make.. I wasnt able to concentrate until I satisfy myself from these-funny-stuff-thing. Maybe a kind of motivation for me..

Before I decided to go for some out-of-the-academe-mood.. I was reading alterations in respi and I wasnt able to concentrate most.. Why?.. Maybe because Im preoccupied with something/somethings/Someone???

Oh...

First...

I think because of the so many plans I have wrote in my list.. I cant decide which will I do first. When will I do.. And what would be my motivation to do it.. I cant find any...

Next.. Because of that thinking.. Motivation..Plans.. And all those stuff.. I was just fantasizing for someone in order for me to get on the mood and be lively enough to study and do all my plans..

But as I go on.. I observed that I cannot focus anymore.. I cant concentrate.. I cannot find myself studying... I think while looking at the book.. Im daydreaming... Until I have realized that I want to sleep first and then after 30 mins. I will continue reading...

But that didnt really what happened.. While my eyes were close, my mind is looking for some worthy things that I should do aside from sleeping and daydreaming while studying...

Until my mind decided to go outside. Go out of the room.. Out of the room where in I will not be so sleepy and unworthy to think of someone that is probably not also that worthy to think of .

So there.. I went to the school to borrow book in P.E and O.R.. and then I went straight to MOA.. Thinking that I might be meeting the eye I want.. But ofcourse always impossible.. Unless destiny will let us and agree... So there, while in MOA I have realized that I enjoy shopping. Shopping eventhough I do not have that so much money to buy all the things I want.. I felt Im free. I felt that my schedule is not that busy enough to let myself be free of the academe, selfcenteredness and so much undying unworthy stuffs, even for as while.. And so that's it.. While I kept myself busy on looking for some things I need, I realized that I was enjoying.. that my mind got out of the preoccupation-things.. And so I felt it became so helpful.. Eventhough that's not really my motive on going to that mall, eventhough our eyes didnt met, eventhough I didnt see him.. Im happy enough on what I did.. And that's because I feel that Im enjoying myself.. I dont need anyone to make me happy.. make me feel the way I feel when Im alone.. Being free, with nothing else to worry about.. I love it...

And so that's it.. Ahmm. Anyway.. As I have said before I enter to that mall, if I ever I didnt find the one I want.. Ill not force myself anymore.. Ill not let myself feel that Im desperate.. I dont want that word to describe me..

Just for me to decide that I need to go on the flow and just let God lead me on the way...

Hmmn.. Be cool... Be free... of the worries, anxities, assignments and all.. be free.. Fly and still I know I can reach it!... Anything I want....

So help me God...


Waaaahhh..