Innate

Its very ironic to say that even though i keep on telling myself to stop, i still continue hoping, believing and fantasizing that someday we will have the same feelings. From now, I know its just a fling and no other deep feelings present. But still my mind continues to seek and believe that someday you will be mine. What a worst idea! Based from what I see and feel, you dont actually like me. You dont actually want to entertain someone like me. And you dont really have feelings with me. Though maybe I assume you have, it always ends to nothing. So why would I always bug myself with this? Why would I bother and make some effort to insist myself to you?.. If I know you really dont care. Why would I always make myself be stressed because of thinking of you. Why?

Maybe its just an innate part on me. And I really hate myself being like that!

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Do I really have feelings with you?
Do I really care about you?
Or do I just make myself believe that I like you?

For now, there's no reason for me to keep in touch with you.
But still, I keep on insisting to be closed to you.

From this point, I think the problem falls to the way I think and the way I handle distractions.
The problem is all about me. Not with others, not with the environment, not with you,
But with me. -- How I bug myself onto something futile and make myself be distracted.

Maybe its also an innate part on me.
And I cant help myself to change that.
Maybe I could modify that attitude, but there will be some feeling that may be ignored if I did.
Which then will end me from being HURT..