things-to-do

for now, i still dont know wat to do first.. i am thinking so many things na nman which sets my bad mood. a while ago, we had our microbiology and thank God that i wasnt able to get a score lower than 3 in the pretest because probably if i was, then i belong to the students who get out to go to the library to read the lesson further. also, fortunately i got a passing grade of 85 in our first quiz. whew. thank God tlaga. but now, i am so confused because earlier we also had our laboratory and wat we did were to draw the structure of the cell, its cycle and list examples of each cell but unfortunately, i wasnt able to finish the last part (the list of examples of each cell) and because of that it made me feel so sad coz of the thought that i might gain a low grade. whew. anyway, i hope doc ces will accept the list tomorrow.

this time, i am doing the assignment in micro the same with the examples that i missed a while ago then after that im going to review my notes on health economics. my prof there is really inspiring even though he is a gay, and i feel that whenever he teach, he thinks that we are not bright just like him and also the students in his alma mater...

whew. i hope i can do this all at the same day.(not for the same time).

I CAN DO THIS!

fears

as of now, nagstart na klase nmin.. and im so thankful na maganda naman ung nabigay s'king schedule.. hehe. and im so thankful dn ksi naging mganda nman un start ng health care2 q dahil sa maaus na result ng mga quizes q. kanina ms.pingoy told us to tell ourselves na "we will pass healthcare2" and for me.. "ill gonna pass this subject! i can do this" not having too much assurance and confidence, but kakayanin ko 'toh.. and same with microbiology.. even i am worst last i took biology, i will study hard for me to be able to pass.. actually, as studying micro, what i did last year in anatomy will be the same as i study microbiology and this thinking is my inspiration while studying this subject. i hope i can do it and i can overcome the fear when taking quizes. this time, we still dont meet with doc. ces, actually i still have the fear on him, thinking that he's so strict, but i hope still, i can overcome those fears. and i believe that God will not let me fail.

Impossible.

Last week, I accidentally watched the movie "Saving Face" in HBO starring Michelle Krusiec. This movie made me think of things that seems to be impossible. For me, I think Im in the state of having identity crisis. I dont want to be lesbian but I have the thought of being such a guy. I dont act natural as girls do. I dont have any passion dealing with boys expect for my brother-im happy to see myself with him--happy and not fighting, caring and loving with each other, like a perfect brothers. I dont trust boys inshort. After I felt hurt by loving someone, I dont want to fall inlove thats why im just focusing on my studies and just make myself think that im not a girl and do have such idea of being a lesbian. This movie made me realize that it is possible that a girl can fall to another girl - full of love, without having any hesitations. As I watched the movie, I was impressed with Michelle Krusiec for her role, being a doctor and a lover to Winona..(I forgot her real name) and Michelle acted like a real lesbian and I admire her so much. That time I was thinking what if I became like that? Honestly I do want. instead of loving guys that will just make you loved then afterwards make you cry and eventually leave you after getting their pleasures from you, I was thinking how come will I carry loving someone same as my gender?-Yes. it is possible, but through friends not through girlfriends sharing same hearts. It is impossible for me to fall in the same gender as mine, I do actually think what if I can, but as far as I think, it is very impossible. First, because I treat my girl friends as only a friend and yes I love them but that's not a basis for me to act such a gay. Next, I think there's no girl who can fall inlove on me like what the lover of Michelle did. It is very impossible.

For now, maybe this crisis is a result of my deprived heart and just only thoughts that are not viable and I should return on what I was. Whew.

This picture made me touch because even they are both girls, I could say that through their deeds, they love each other and made themselves feel so special.