Impossible.

Last week, I accidentally watched the movie "Saving Face" in HBO starring Michelle Krusiec. This movie made me think of things that seems to be impossible. For me, I think Im in the state of having identity crisis. I dont want to be lesbian but I have the thought of being such a guy. I dont act natural as girls do. I dont have any passion dealing with boys expect for my brother-im happy to see myself with him--happy and not fighting, caring and loving with each other, like a perfect brothers. I dont trust boys inshort. After I felt hurt by loving someone, I dont want to fall inlove thats why im just focusing on my studies and just make myself think that im not a girl and do have such idea of being a lesbian. This movie made me realize that it is possible that a girl can fall to another girl - full of love, without having any hesitations. As I watched the movie, I was impressed with Michelle Krusiec for her role, being a doctor and a lover to Winona..(I forgot her real name) and Michelle acted like a real lesbian and I admire her so much. That time I was thinking what if I became like that? Honestly I do want. instead of loving guys that will just make you loved then afterwards make you cry and eventually leave you after getting their pleasures from you, I was thinking how come will I carry loving someone same as my gender?-Yes. it is possible, but through friends not through girlfriends sharing same hearts. It is impossible for me to fall in the same gender as mine, I do actually think what if I can, but as far as I think, it is very impossible. First, because I treat my girl friends as only a friend and yes I love them but that's not a basis for me to act such a gay. Next, I think there's no girl who can fall inlove on me like what the lover of Michelle did. It is very impossible.

For now, maybe this crisis is a result of my deprived heart and just only thoughts that are not viable and I should return on what I was. Whew.

This picture made me touch because even they are both girls, I could say that through their deeds, they love each other and made themselves feel so special.