June.18.2009
As I try to remember and write all my memories this summer vacation 2009, I could say that I had a wonderful, productive yet sometimes boring and futile experience.
I ended my 2nd semester in 3rd year happy and content and tired. And as I face my summer class, I tend to be so carefree and so what I got was a grade not-so-fulfilling. Simultaneously, I cant imagine how I manage to throw up all my money and my actions. First, there was this business-thing that was endorsed to me by my high school classmate. Initially, I/ we thought that all of us for-eys will be having a gala mode and some sort of a psych-test by my BS Psychology-major-classmate. That time I was supposed to be joining my classmates in visiting Fort Bonifacio and Luneta as our major project in Rizal Course. And so unfortunately, I prioritized my high school friends rather than my project, so I ended up wasting a lot of money, a lot from my savings. Such a dumb idea right?
It was Saturday when we all went to Megamall. Having the thought of I will be answering some questionnaires for a psych-test for their thesis gave me the feeling of some excitement. But eventually, I got a feeling that something was wrong and I/ we was been trapped -- trapped by the idea of my high school friends who invited us. So my heart kept on pounding and beating and my mind continued asking 'where are we? where are we? what is happening?'. I cant believe my trusted friends trapped us and made us believe of something not true. We was been kidnapped. Kidnapped for a reason to have some big-money-profit-business. So the time comes when we were actually told of the real story that because of this business they were able to earn 8k a week and we must be open-minded and blah blah blah. So I came to believe. When we were crossing the pedestrian lane to reach this business-thing, I got the picture of it -- zoomed twice, trice, to its maximum image. I remembered my college classmates talking about this, chatting how they earn a lot of money from this business. Just invite and sell some of their products, you will be able to earn a lot. Initially I dont want to believe, but as time went by, I believed. I believed in a way that somehow maybe I could also earn a lot of money by just inviting and selling some of their products. So because I believe I opened my pocket and gave them my deposit - to have some reservations. Yes, I imagined how to be successful with this kind of business, how I will deal with my friends and neighbors to buy and join me in this business. I really imagined it as successful same as I imagined it as worthless to the point that I may fail. Fifty-fifty thinking. I cant weigh the one as being heavier than the other. Regardless of this, my mind continued to believe that somehow I will be able to earn just like those who are members. So the next time I went to this place I gave my second deposit. Actually, the payment was so big that I can not really afford to pay right a way. So I managed to give down payments in order to afford it easily. Because I really want to join and to pay fully and be a member in just a second, I went to pawnshops and asked what's the cost of my white gold bracelet. Oh, that costs 5k. The first time I went there, I only asked, and then for the second time I surrendered it. I dont know if Im fortunate or not in the time where in I got my 5k to be my full payment in the said company and my friend was not replying to my texts that I will go to the place and he must accompany me. Because I have a Recognition, Alumni and Testimonial Dinner to attend that time, I cant wait in his response. So the time of my waiting made me think so seriously. First, "having this money, if I go to the place right this time 1pm. I might be late in the event which will be held in school at 6pm." Second, "having this money, without my white gold bracelet knowing that my mother will use it for the event, she might wonder where is this bracelet and she might accuse someone, a member of the house steal it. And I dont want that to happen -- the fault is mine and she is accusing someone. That thought I cant take." Third, "having this money, without my white gold bracelet, I might lost both of it because of nothing, the negative feeling that I might not be able to return and get all of those. I feel so sorry for myself. Though they will always encourage me not to think of this negative side, I cant really take it." I sought help. Help from the Holy Spirit in making my decision. So an hour after, I decided to return the 5k, though it has an interest of 300, still I gave it back. With so many wasted money, full of resentment, still I must encourage myself to continue and serve this struggle as a challenge and a lesson for me of course. I throwed so many in trash - my money/ saving maybe max of 2k, my atm card, my principles, tsk. This should serve as a lesson!
Nothing but sweats worth your goods.
And we must think as frequent as possible before we act.
Weigh accordingly.
Seek help especially from God and others.
Of this summer season.. i learned how to drive a car and so for me it was then as great as any other event.. regardless of my faulty and worse experiences this vacation. hehe.
and also, at the same time I spent reading "Tweak" by Nic Sheff.. and I could say it helped me a lot to compensate and be free from my worries and anxieties brought about by my deeds and wrong doings with those days..
Thanks ofcourse to our dearest God..
Showing posts with label S-cool-stuff.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label S-cool-stuff.. Show all posts
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Summer 2009
June.11.2009
This summer is kind a productive yet my body as well as my mind seems to be uncooperative.
First and foremost, I feel so grateful because I was able to attain a satisfactory grade for the year 2007-2008, my third year in CON. I was one of the Dean's Lister who was been recognized in the 1st Alumni, Recognition and Testimonial Dinner in the College. Eventhough Im not a scholar in the University, atleast Im one of the list. Though a part of me feels that Im not deserving, still my mind continues to uplift me and say that 'yes, my sweats worth it.' Its the attitude that most counts, right? I was able to overcome all my fears in my 3rd year in Lyceum - my fears towards my two 16-unit-major subject, my fear towards my strict yet so kind and considerate professors and my fear towards my own self: my attiude - laziness, helplessness sometimes, hopelessness, and my need of the motivation thing. Im so thankful because I was able to overcome all of those. I remember, the last time we had our post-conference in SM Lazo Medical Center, Mr. Gonzales reiterated that all of us were being taught of the knowledge we need, all of us were doing the same skills, but still there's always a person who usually stands out among others because of his/her attitude. Yes, all of us were being taught of the knowledge, the skills we needed, but still the attitude is the most important because if you dont have it, I think your work is so worthless. This concept is always reiterated to us. And I believe to it. By my last year in this college, Im looking forward to myself being with this attitude and seriousness in my studies. I still want to attain my goal to be one of the dean's lister and ofcourse to pass all my exams and eventually pass my board. I know everybody supports one another and Im sticking to God's will for me.
Going back, I ended my 1st and 2nd semester in 3rd year happy and content with my performance and my grades. But I will never forget the performance I did on my summer class. I was so lazy that time and some of my classmates thought of me being so 'pariwara', which I agreed with, especially to my Rizal course. Maybe because that subject seems to be so boring for me and I dont know the essence of studying the course. But there's no feeling of resentment ofcourse. Its my action, so Im responsible to it - that is one of my principles. I want to be as carefree as possible, mostly to the subjects that for me are not worthy for my seriousness. But my carefreeness seems to be so extreme that my major subject was been affected. I got many MPLs. I want to be mad at myself because I was been so careless in a wrong way. Maybe because of the hot weather which made me so lazy, the summer environment which made the other students to rest and us to go to duty and study, the new group which i can hardly deal with - the new groupmates whom I can hardly adopt with or maybe Im not open to them which made me not to integrate myself, some sort of a feeling of emptiness, motivation or something, mood-swings, personality problem and blah, blah, blah. These were the factors which I could say affects my attitude towards my 4-unit Related Learning Experience this summer. And when I got my grades, seems to be satisfactory but there's a feeling of some resentment. I know I can do better than that. But for me to feel good, I need to accept my fault, so I must face the consequences of my actions, better not to regret.
This summer is kind a productive yet my body as well as my mind seems to be uncooperative.
First and foremost, I feel so grateful because I was able to attain a satisfactory grade for the year 2007-2008, my third year in CON. I was one of the Dean's Lister who was been recognized in the 1st Alumni, Recognition and Testimonial Dinner in the College. Eventhough Im not a scholar in the University, atleast Im one of the list. Though a part of me feels that Im not deserving, still my mind continues to uplift me and say that 'yes, my sweats worth it.' Its the attitude that most counts, right? I was able to overcome all my fears in my 3rd year in Lyceum - my fears towards my two 16-unit-major subject, my fear towards my strict yet so kind and considerate professors and my fear towards my own self: my attiude - laziness, helplessness sometimes, hopelessness, and my need of the motivation thing. Im so thankful because I was able to overcome all of those. I remember, the last time we had our post-conference in SM Lazo Medical Center, Mr. Gonzales reiterated that all of us were being taught of the knowledge we need, all of us were doing the same skills, but still there's always a person who usually stands out among others because of his/her attitude. Yes, all of us were being taught of the knowledge, the skills we needed, but still the attitude is the most important because if you dont have it, I think your work is so worthless. This concept is always reiterated to us. And I believe to it. By my last year in this college, Im looking forward to myself being with this attitude and seriousness in my studies. I still want to attain my goal to be one of the dean's lister and ofcourse to pass all my exams and eventually pass my board. I know everybody supports one another and Im sticking to God's will for me.
Going back, I ended my 1st and 2nd semester in 3rd year happy and content with my performance and my grades. But I will never forget the performance I did on my summer class. I was so lazy that time and some of my classmates thought of me being so 'pariwara', which I agreed with, especially to my Rizal course. Maybe because that subject seems to be so boring for me and I dont know the essence of studying the course. But there's no feeling of resentment ofcourse. Its my action, so Im responsible to it - that is one of my principles. I want to be as carefree as possible, mostly to the subjects that for me are not worthy for my seriousness. But my carefreeness seems to be so extreme that my major subject was been affected. I got many MPLs. I want to be mad at myself because I was been so careless in a wrong way. Maybe because of the hot weather which made me so lazy, the summer environment which made the other students to rest and us to go to duty and study, the new group which i can hardly deal with - the new groupmates whom I can hardly adopt with or maybe Im not open to them which made me not to integrate myself, some sort of a feeling of emptiness, motivation or something, mood-swings, personality problem and blah, blah, blah. These were the factors which I could say affects my attitude towards my 4-unit Related Learning Experience this summer. And when I got my grades, seems to be satisfactory but there's a feeling of some resentment. I know I can do better than that. But for me to feel good, I need to accept my fault, so I must face the consequences of my actions, better not to regret.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Nowhere..
I am now a bit of nowhere..
Do I need to concentrate myself on this?.. Put all of my emotions here?
Or do I need to keep it on myself until it'll fade..?
How could I move on if I'm still in the midst of confusion and anxiety..
I am worried..
Worried for what I have done.
I am worried for what should have done.
I am worried for what would be the outcome of what I have done.
I am pretty much confused on myself.
My mind thinks of this and that.. these and those..
I am oblivious.
I am afraid.
I am self-centered.
I do things just for the sake of being recognized.
I do things just for nothing.
I do things that would probably offend other's feelings.
I hate myself.
I am such a brainless, stupid student who just wants to make things go and flow on her way, on what she expects.
I am still an incompetent student.
I asks incomprehensively.
I comment nonsense.
I am lost..
Always making myself lost.
Isnt its my responsibility on my moves?
Am I not allowed to tell what's in my mind and what is bugging on it?
Am I not allowed to say something?.. Even it is worthless or even it is for the sake of me understanding what's really going on and what's really my opinion?
Even I cannot verbalize really what's in my mind?
Even I am trying to let others understand my point?
Am I not allowed to do so?
If not. why?..
For the sake of others? For the sake of grades? For the sake of not being so intoxicated? For PEACE?
How about the Peace in my mind?.. how about me understanding the right way?
How about it?
Is it just for the reason that we would not be taking it hard? For it to be easy on us?
What did I do?
Did I do the right thing?
Or did I ask something that makes the situation worst?
Did my actions complicated so many things?
What did I do?.....
I know I am responsible for my actions.
But I am still an incompetent student nurse.
I am still brainless.
Maybe I got good grades, but that's just because I am studying.
Studying in the sense that afterwards the learnings fade away.
I hate it.
I hate myself?
How will I be like those I idolized?
How?
Do I always need to support my emotions?
Or do I need to ignore it.
Just ignore it until it'll fade?
Do I need to keep myself shut? My ideas enclosed with my confused mind?
I am such a pessimist.
I hate myself.
I want to cut myself.
I dont want to feel anything.
I want to be immune with this feeling.
Feeling of confused, worried and oblivious.
I want to understand al the thoughts needed to be understood.
I want challenges.
I want to challenge myself.
And if I can. Then I would say I could, I passed the challenge. And my actions were right.
Then if I cant, then I still need to improve myself and try harder for the next time.
I hate myself.
What did I do?
Instead of this, should I distract and divert myself on something..
Should I?
The I hope I could..
I need to be strong.
Treat this worriedness, anxiousness as nothing.
Treat it as if nothing happened.
Treat it in nothingly.
If they will give me low grades due to my performance, then its ok. I know its my fault. But it's my responsibility to make things in a right way. And if still I didnt do it right then there's something confusion in my mind and needed to be clarified. And still grades are nothing. If I make it right then I have a good and high grade. If I make it bad, then my grades will still be bad. Then that's ok. I know it's my fault. And I need to improve.
Never ever regret for something. If you have done this, never regret.
If you got low grades because of being so lux then never regret.
But if you still got low grades even you did all your best, then that's very depressive.
What will I do to cope?
Still if that happened, you know yourself, you know you dont actually knew all. And you still need to know all the necessary information important for that case. Then still, never regret even that happened.
Just always do your best and remain on-focused.
Trust God and do your best and everything will be fine.
It may not align to your expectations but just think that what had happened is better than what you had expect.
Trust God as well as your self!!
Grade is nothing for me. But I am grade-conscious.
I want high grades.
But if being so grade-conscious makes me so depressive then I should change my attitude on having good grades.
If I have good grades but still I dont know anything, or the information faded as you talk.. in just a tick of a clock, then what's the essence of the good grades?
What's frustrating is that you knew the fact before and while studying it you got high grades, but then when you're recalling it afterwards you cannot remember any.. the terms, the value, the facts.. etc.. How come? Is there a problem in my mind? Or do I need to always recall what I have learned everyday?
What's the intervention then?.. Hmmn. Well I'll think of it later.. on christmas vacation maybe. I need to help myself.
If I learned a lot then I could probably say I will have a good grade, then If I failed then maybe I need to work harder and study harder.. That's all.
I am grade-conscious but I want to treat my grades as nothing!.... I want learnings to be absorbed and not the grades.
Do I need to concentrate myself on this?.. Put all of my emotions here?
Or do I need to keep it on myself until it'll fade..?
How could I move on if I'm still in the midst of confusion and anxiety..
I am worried..
Worried for what I have done.
I am worried for what should have done.
I am worried for what would be the outcome of what I have done.
I am pretty much confused on myself.
My mind thinks of this and that.. these and those..
I am oblivious.
I am afraid.
I am self-centered.
I do things just for the sake of being recognized.
I do things just for nothing.
I do things that would probably offend other's feelings.
I hate myself.
I am such a brainless, stupid student who just wants to make things go and flow on her way, on what she expects.
I am still an incompetent student.
I asks incomprehensively.
I comment nonsense.
I am lost..
Always making myself lost.
Isnt its my responsibility on my moves?
Am I not allowed to tell what's in my mind and what is bugging on it?
Am I not allowed to say something?.. Even it is worthless or even it is for the sake of me understanding what's really going on and what's really my opinion?
Even I cannot verbalize really what's in my mind?
Even I am trying to let others understand my point?
Am I not allowed to do so?
If not. why?..
For the sake of others? For the sake of grades? For the sake of not being so intoxicated? For PEACE?
How about the Peace in my mind?.. how about me understanding the right way?
How about it?
Is it just for the reason that we would not be taking it hard? For it to be easy on us?
What did I do?
Did I do the right thing?
Or did I ask something that makes the situation worst?
Did my actions complicated so many things?
What did I do?.....
I know I am responsible for my actions.
But I am still an incompetent student nurse.
I am still brainless.
Maybe I got good grades, but that's just because I am studying.
Studying in the sense that afterwards the learnings fade away.
I hate it.
I hate myself?
How will I be like those I idolized?
How?
Do I always need to support my emotions?
Or do I need to ignore it.
Just ignore it until it'll fade?
Do I need to keep myself shut? My ideas enclosed with my confused mind?
I am such a pessimist.
I hate myself.
I want to cut myself.
I dont want to feel anything.
I want to be immune with this feeling.
Feeling of confused, worried and oblivious.
I want to understand al the thoughts needed to be understood.
I want challenges.
I want to challenge myself.
And if I can. Then I would say I could, I passed the challenge. And my actions were right.
Then if I cant, then I still need to improve myself and try harder for the next time.
I hate myself.
What did I do?
Instead of this, should I distract and divert myself on something..
Should I?
The I hope I could..
I need to be strong.
Treat this worriedness, anxiousness as nothing.
Treat it as if nothing happened.
Treat it in nothingly.
If they will give me low grades due to my performance, then its ok. I know its my fault. But it's my responsibility to make things in a right way. And if still I didnt do it right then there's something confusion in my mind and needed to be clarified. And still grades are nothing. If I make it right then I have a good and high grade. If I make it bad, then my grades will still be bad. Then that's ok. I know it's my fault. And I need to improve.
Never ever regret for something. If you have done this, never regret.
If you got low grades because of being so lux then never regret.
But if you still got low grades even you did all your best, then that's very depressive.
What will I do to cope?
Still if that happened, you know yourself, you know you dont actually knew all. And you still need to know all the necessary information important for that case. Then still, never regret even that happened.
Just always do your best and remain on-focused.
Trust God and do your best and everything will be fine.
It may not align to your expectations but just think that what had happened is better than what you had expect.
Trust God as well as your self!!
Grade is nothing for me. But I am grade-conscious.
I want high grades.
But if being so grade-conscious makes me so depressive then I should change my attitude on having good grades.
If I have good grades but still I dont know anything, or the information faded as you talk.. in just a tick of a clock, then what's the essence of the good grades?
What's frustrating is that you knew the fact before and while studying it you got high grades, but then when you're recalling it afterwards you cannot remember any.. the terms, the value, the facts.. etc.. How come? Is there a problem in my mind? Or do I need to always recall what I have learned everyday?
What's the intervention then?.. Hmmn. Well I'll think of it later.. on christmas vacation maybe. I need to help myself.
If I learned a lot then I could probably say I will have a good grade, then If I failed then maybe I need to work harder and study harder.. That's all.
I am grade-conscious but I want to treat my grades as nothing!.... I want learnings to be absorbed and not the grades.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
LOST in track
Where am i?
Where should i go?
Why am i doing this?
Within the three day vacant-duty I had, I became lost.
Lost. Or maybe making myself lost. Losing the track on the essence of my existence.
I want to be as free as possible. But I dont like doing nothing all day. When we were assigned to just make a research for the three day duty of ours, I felt a great relief because I'll be able to sleep all day and be rested. But for me three days are so long for me to do just sleeping and chatting and surfing and doing nothing or worthless activities all day. I then became anxious when I dealt with these free days. Im starting to have the idea of "Happy go lucky" and I dont like that.
With the schedules I planned for the day, I wasnt able to accompish any. And Im very anxious with that. It just let me realize that for the remaining days of the week I'll be then exhausted and maybe has only a little time to review and to do all the necessary activities I needed to be done.
Just the thought of I'll be having a long quiz on Philippine History on Friday and I wasnt able finish reading the covered chapters, I was able to read some but I still need so much time to digest all the ideas in there. Because my professor there doesnt help a lot on my learnings on Phil. History, Im just studying and trying to memorize it all by myself. I hope I could do that.. I hope. With only 2 days remaining and exhausted day tomorrow, I think its impossible for me to digest all. What will I do to make it possible?, For sure, after school, I'll be magneted in bed or I'll found myself studying MS, without taking into consideration that I have a long quiz on Phil History. Why would I bother to review on that subject? Phil History - just minor?.. Even it is minor I know it is still part of my grades and I should do my best to have a good grades there.
For now, what would be the best strategy for me to make this problem easy. Or make my grades with ease without having some confusions and problems...
Whew..
What..?
Im still lost..
What should I do?
I know what should be prioritized but I cant resist on doing unworthy things.
What will I do now...?
Just let it go?.. and let tomorrow judge me? NO! I dont want..
I think I need some motivation again..
Grrrr!
Where should i go?
Why am i doing this?
Within the three day vacant-duty I had, I became lost.
Lost. Or maybe making myself lost. Losing the track on the essence of my existence.
I want to be as free as possible. But I dont like doing nothing all day. When we were assigned to just make a research for the three day duty of ours, I felt a great relief because I'll be able to sleep all day and be rested. But for me three days are so long for me to do just sleeping and chatting and surfing and doing nothing or worthless activities all day. I then became anxious when I dealt with these free days. Im starting to have the idea of "Happy go lucky" and I dont like that.
With the schedules I planned for the day, I wasnt able to accompish any. And Im very anxious with that. It just let me realize that for the remaining days of the week I'll be then exhausted and maybe has only a little time to review and to do all the necessary activities I needed to be done.
Just the thought of I'll be having a long quiz on Philippine History on Friday and I wasnt able finish reading the covered chapters, I was able to read some but I still need so much time to digest all the ideas in there. Because my professor there doesnt help a lot on my learnings on Phil. History, Im just studying and trying to memorize it all by myself. I hope I could do that.. I hope. With only 2 days remaining and exhausted day tomorrow, I think its impossible for me to digest all. What will I do to make it possible?, For sure, after school, I'll be magneted in bed or I'll found myself studying MS, without taking into consideration that I have a long quiz on Phil History. Why would I bother to review on that subject? Phil History - just minor?.. Even it is minor I know it is still part of my grades and I should do my best to have a good grades there.
For now, what would be the best strategy for me to make this problem easy. Or make my grades with ease without having some confusions and problems...
Whew..
What..?
Im still lost..
What should I do?
I know what should be prioritized but I cant resist on doing unworthy things.
What will I do now...?
Just let it go?.. and let tomorrow judge me? NO! I dont want..
I think I need some motivation again..
Grrrr!
Friday, November 21, 2008
bugs..
Im trying now to be clearer enough to atleast know what really I mean for this some kinda helpful pad..
As of now, I am thrilled with the med-surg-thing effect.. taking into consideration that our lecturers are really that "thrilled" themselves.. Thinking and also just seeing them makes my abdomen stiffen and my heart to pump faster..
But ofcourse I dont want this feeling to take effect and rule out for the rest of my lecture days in m/s. I know this will just ruin my mentality and I think I got this feeling because im not yet used to them (to the two of them.. Calayan and Gonzales).
Meanwhile, just a few minutes before, I was viewing the profile of this some-kinda mysterious?weird?ghetto-chick?? or someone I do not really imagine the attitude.. This person... I cant imagine she could do all the stuffs in this world. I think I adore her for that. She do all those interesting stuffs that so far I cant say I could do in the future..
She's so free.. She's busy yet she could do all the gimiks and all.. How could she do that?.. I totally admire her.. (Maybe she's not that busy?...I dunno)
Not just by the way she teach us (eventhough I got some low grade in her quizzes a few weeks ago).. but also the way she deal with her life..
.. The way she dress, speak, think and all the way she do-I think.. I almost admire her most!...
She's so smart.. she's pretty... she's so cool.. she's rich (I think).. with all those car, things that you could see in a rich person..
Whew...
but I dont think she's kind and thoughtful just like the other profs I'd encounter...
I dont think so.. maybe Im wrong for that.. I dont really know her yet.. So I must not assume..
I hope I could deal with her properly.. In a way that I'll not be degraded.. and I will not feel some kinda worthless creature...
Overcoming her attitude really is the greatest challenge for me...
I hope I could...
Well anyway..
So 2nd semester is now really on-going.. And they all said that this is the heardest sem for the entire nursing course.. I dont think so.. Let us assume that I dont know that.. Because if I keep on instilling those thought in my mind, it could probably be true.. So.. I'll not let my fears overrule...
But ofcourse anxiety is still always there.. As they've said.. mild anxiety is healthy... So ill not avoid that feeling.. Maybe Im getting used to that...
---------------------
Retdem thing...
Actually.. This week. We had our return demonstration with the 52 skills i think.. and Im so happy and proud because I'd overcome the fear of not making it.. Its really an accomplishment for me.. Thank God..
And for now.. We'll be on the hospital until the end of the sem.. And I hope Ill learn more...
----------------------
hmmn.. with my motivation-thing....
I think Im just making myself too obsessed again.. With this guy!!!!..
grrrrrhh!!.. I hate it.. If I could just ignore him.. I would.. But I cant.. He keeps on bugging my mind.. Eventhough he is not actually bugging me..(maybe Im the one who has the problem) I keep on thinking that he's part of--- eerr!!! Im making it so deep. I hate it!.. So STUPID! I hate it.. I want to finally deal with it!... Maybe if I had the opportunity....
Maybe sometime..
Got to go..
Im being closed by this shop.. Haha.. (Wrong enough!) ggrrhh!..
Its too late now..
As of now, I am thrilled with the med-surg-thing effect.. taking into consideration that our lecturers are really that "thrilled" themselves.. Thinking and also just seeing them makes my abdomen stiffen and my heart to pump faster..
But ofcourse I dont want this feeling to take effect and rule out for the rest of my lecture days in m/s. I know this will just ruin my mentality and I think I got this feeling because im not yet used to them (to the two of them.. Calayan and Gonzales).
Meanwhile, just a few minutes before, I was viewing the profile of this some-kinda mysterious?weird?ghetto-chick?? or someone I do not really imagine the attitude.. This person... I cant imagine she could do all the stuffs in this world. I think I adore her for that. She do all those interesting stuffs that so far I cant say I could do in the future..
She's so free.. She's busy yet she could do all the gimiks and all.. How could she do that?.. I totally admire her.. (Maybe she's not that busy?...I dunno)
Not just by the way she teach us (eventhough I got some low grade in her quizzes a few weeks ago).. but also the way she deal with her life..
.. The way she dress, speak, think and all the way she do-I think.. I almost admire her most!...
She's so smart.. she's pretty... she's so cool.. she's rich (I think).. with all those car, things that you could see in a rich person..
Whew...
but I dont think she's kind and thoughtful just like the other profs I'd encounter...
I dont think so.. maybe Im wrong for that.. I dont really know her yet.. So I must not assume..
I hope I could deal with her properly.. In a way that I'll not be degraded.. and I will not feel some kinda worthless creature...
Overcoming her attitude really is the greatest challenge for me...
I hope I could...
Well anyway..
So 2nd semester is now really on-going.. And they all said that this is the heardest sem for the entire nursing course.. I dont think so.. Let us assume that I dont know that.. Because if I keep on instilling those thought in my mind, it could probably be true.. So.. I'll not let my fears overrule...
But ofcourse anxiety is still always there.. As they've said.. mild anxiety is healthy... So ill not avoid that feeling.. Maybe Im getting used to that...
---------------------
Retdem thing...
Actually.. This week. We had our return demonstration with the 52 skills i think.. and Im so happy and proud because I'd overcome the fear of not making it.. Its really an accomplishment for me.. Thank God..
And for now.. We'll be on the hospital until the end of the sem.. And I hope Ill learn more...
----------------------
hmmn.. with my motivation-thing....
I think Im just making myself too obsessed again.. With this guy!!!!..
grrrrrhh!!.. I hate it.. If I could just ignore him.. I would.. But I cant.. He keeps on bugging my mind.. Eventhough he is not actually bugging me..(maybe Im the one who has the problem) I keep on thinking that he's part of--- eerr!!! Im making it so deep. I hate it!.. So STUPID! I hate it.. I want to finally deal with it!... Maybe if I had the opportunity....
Maybe sometime..
Got to go..
Im being closed by this shop.. Haha.. (Wrong enough!) ggrrhh!..
Its too late now..
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Minute-break
Two days..? ah one day na lang pla.. pasukan na naman.. Bagong mga pagsubok na ulit at bagong mga gawain..
Well.. After my vacation and all.. I could say that of all the vacations I had.. This was the most productive one.. Kahit na magastos.. Masaya ako dahil nabasa ko ang twilight series.. Except on the last.. Ill work for that this first week siguro ng pasukan.. Naout of time ako eh.. Im happy ksi I was able to occupy my thoughts with something worth doing for... Di ko nasayang ang oras at di ako nakapagisip ng mga kabaliwan ko to the max.. Waahh.
Well.. Im happy for now talaga...
Lalo na nung nalaman ko ung GPA and grade ko sa NCM.. Waahh.. I made it.. naka1.75 ako.. and it was all self fulfiling.. My sweats deserves its worth.. Waahh..
I hope the next of my NCM ganun pa din.. Waahh, I hope I could maintain this one.. Waah.. Yun lang talaga gusto ko as of now.. Waaahh..
Thank God talaga.. Waaahh....
Well.. After my vacation and all.. I could say that of all the vacations I had.. This was the most productive one.. Kahit na magastos.. Masaya ako dahil nabasa ko ang twilight series.. Except on the last.. Ill work for that this first week siguro ng pasukan.. Naout of time ako eh.. Im happy ksi I was able to occupy my thoughts with something worth doing for... Di ko nasayang ang oras at di ako nakapagisip ng mga kabaliwan ko to the max.. Waahh.
Well.. Im happy for now talaga...
Lalo na nung nalaman ko ung GPA and grade ko sa NCM.. Waahh.. I made it.. naka1.75 ako.. and it was all self fulfiling.. My sweats deserves its worth.. Waahh..
I hope the next of my NCM ganun pa din.. Waahh, I hope I could maintain this one.. Waah.. Yun lang talaga gusto ko as of now.. Waaahh..
Thank God talaga.. Waaahh....
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Post Remark
All those stuffs.. All those pending examinations.. All those sleepless nights.. At last I could now finally feel the essence of being a student, or should I say the most awaited time of most of the students.. Its been a while where in my anxieties about my pending examinations are at its peak and I couldn't imagine that Ive overcome all of those.. Thanks for my savior. He let me have the wisdom and the courage to answer all those questions and let me remember all those concepts I needed.. Sleepless nights for now are temporarily over.. Anxieties are now gone.. And its time for me to ready myself for more anxieties and sleepless nights I will be encountering for the incoming semester..
As of now, my mind keeps on telling me that I should express my feelings about what I have achieved this semester. Actually, I planned to be one of the best in school but I cant overcome the pressure it gives to me. One of the best - not as being top, or being a scholar, but one of those students that have the capacity to do all the necessary activities intended for him/her.., also.. maybe one of the dean's lister instead...
Last semesters.. From 1st year college to 2nd yr 1st sem.. I was able to have a GPA not greater that 1.75.. (means 1.6.. or something).. I got those GPA easily.. Maybe I could say "no sweat".. maybe somehow it have but it was not as too pressured like for now..
Last week.. I just realized the the worth of being a dean's lister.. When I was just a first year.. I never intended to be on the list.. Wala nga akong pakialam kung masama man ako o hindi eh.. Basta I just have the thinking na I should do my best.. and whatever grade I will have.. I accept.. because I know its me who did my grade and I shouldnt regret...
But for now.. Im starting to be regretful.. First.. last 2nd sem 2nd year. I wasnt able to maintain that 1.75 below mark.. I'm not that too anxious when I got my grade before.. but for now.. I feel the lost of it... Huli na noh..??
Hmmn. anyway... my mind is now turning into "Hayaan mo na.. Ok lang yun..."..
Atleast I have proven myself that I am learning.. That's the most important part of it.. Not just because you are too pressurized with your environment and because you are a grade conscious student.. Its the knowledge and skills learned that is important.. Not for any reasons..
As of now.. I knew already my grade in Pharma and Strat.. And it just lined with my expectations.. But for now.. Im worried for my grade in NCM.. I hope I make it in line with my expectation.. Im starting now to accept that I cant make to be on the list. But instead... I hope my grade in NCM is worthy for my sweats..
I hope so...
[Its been this time that I became such a school-age and I hate it!!.. I hope I'll not be like that for the next semester... I dont wanna compete to anyone.. I just want to do things on my own... Without the pressures of someone or something.... I hope I'll be such carefree as possible in terms of my grades.. Carefree on achieving good and satisfying high grades.. ]
Smiley... ;p
As of now, my mind keeps on telling me that I should express my feelings about what I have achieved this semester. Actually, I planned to be one of the best in school but I cant overcome the pressure it gives to me. One of the best - not as being top, or being a scholar, but one of those students that have the capacity to do all the necessary activities intended for him/her.., also.. maybe one of the dean's lister instead...
Last semesters.. From 1st year college to 2nd yr 1st sem.. I was able to have a GPA not greater that 1.75.. (means 1.6.. or something).. I got those GPA easily.. Maybe I could say "no sweat".. maybe somehow it have but it was not as too pressured like for now..
Last week.. I just realized the the worth of being a dean's lister.. When I was just a first year.. I never intended to be on the list.. Wala nga akong pakialam kung masama man ako o hindi eh.. Basta I just have the thinking na I should do my best.. and whatever grade I will have.. I accept.. because I know its me who did my grade and I shouldnt regret...
But for now.. Im starting to be regretful.. First.. last 2nd sem 2nd year. I wasnt able to maintain that 1.75 below mark.. I'm not that too anxious when I got my grade before.. but for now.. I feel the lost of it... Huli na noh..??
Hmmn. anyway... my mind is now turning into "Hayaan mo na.. Ok lang yun..."..
Atleast I have proven myself that I am learning.. That's the most important part of it.. Not just because you are too pressurized with your environment and because you are a grade conscious student.. Its the knowledge and skills learned that is important.. Not for any reasons..
As of now.. I knew already my grade in Pharma and Strat.. And it just lined with my expectations.. But for now.. Im worried for my grade in NCM.. I hope I make it in line with my expectation.. Im starting now to accept that I cant make to be on the list. But instead... I hope my grade in NCM is worthy for my sweats..
I hope so...
[Its been this time that I became such a school-age and I hate it!!.. I hope I'll not be like that for the next semester... I dont wanna compete to anyone.. I just want to do things on my own... Without the pressures of someone or something.... I hope I'll be such carefree as possible in terms of my grades.. Carefree on achieving good and satisfying high grades.. ]
Smiley... ;p
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Time
Why cant you make your time more productive and efficient?
Cant you feel the pressure it brings when you have insufficient time to make all your assignments/homeworks?
Time is like a wheel that continously rolling over your precious life. You cant feel the life without integrating all the necessary activities that you used or might not used to do. Time is really precious and its up to you on how you deal with it - as precious as life could be. You yourself have the power to handle your time well - its up to you if you will waste your time or not, make your life productive or not as time could allow.
As of now, I feel the pressure of the overflowing information and concepts I need to incalcate in my mind because of the pending examinations we need to pass for this coming weeks. I should have been reading books than writing here but I cant see the essence of that attitude because I think it will just make me more anxious, prolonging the agony. For me, ideas/information seem to enter in my head for a second then will disappear and will go out of my circulation after a few second. I hope I had a better memory to digest and to remember all the necessary concepts I need to understand for me to pass and to prove that I am learning. I want to see myself learning everyday. I dont want my time to be wasted and doing nothing for the rest of the day. Although it gives some relaxation moment, I could still look and find for something that is more toxic and more interesting, for me not to think of things that is unworthy.
I admire very much my professors because they have good and should I say very long-term memory to remember all concepts that is needed in our profession. You will ask them certain question and they immediately aswer you back right after. Seems like a reflex. I hope I could be like them. I admire them so much.. I am looking forward that in times that I will be asked by someone about certain topics with regards to my profession, I could confidently answer right away. I hope I could be that one...
Anyway.. My pending examinations are nearly coming to the end point of the time. And I could sense that those examinations will be given either at the same weeks or same day.. Gosh!! I hope I could integrate and remember all the concepts for me to answer all the applied questions.
These are the pending exams:
[FOR NCM]
- Health Promotion Strategy from Intrauterine to Elderly: (intrauterine, infants, toddlers, preschooler, school-age, adolescents, yound adult, middle adult and older adult)
- Oxygenation (For watch-out!!)
- Metabolism (For watch-out!!)
- Fluid and Electrolytes
- Infection Control, Immunology and Inflammatory
- Perception and Coordination
- Reproduction and Sexuality
- Cellular Abberation
- Human behavior
[FOR PHARMA]
- Drugs for Cardiovascular System (dyslipidemia, hypertension, angina pectoris and myocardial infarction, dysrhythmias)
- Drugs for Gastrointestinal Disorder
- Drug for Fluid-Balance, Electrolyte and Acid Base Disorders
- Drug for Nutritional Disorder
- Drug therapy for Endocrine System (thyroid, DM)
- Drug for Nervous System Disorders
- Drug for Neuromuscular Disorder
- Drug for Psychiatric Condition
- Drugs for Inflammatory an Immune System
- Drugs for Infectious Disorders (antibiotic, antimycotic, antiprotozoal, antihelminthics, antivirals)
- Drugs for Neoplasia
- Drugs for Acute Biologic Crisis (Shock, Renal Failure)
- Emergency Preparedness
----We only have 2 weeks left and we need to finish all those above topics in pharma from FnE to Emergency Preparedness. There are a lot of drugs we need to remember and we need to know.. How could I answer for the exam if I have been overloaded with information.. I hope I could remember and answer correctly on our final exam... Waaahhh.. So help me po Lord God....
[FOR STRAT]
- Developmental Strategies on Teaching
- Writing Behavioral Objectives
Waaaaaahh.. Im so pressured with all of these.........
As of now.. I need to do my NCP pa.... waahhh..
No time for extracurricular activities, no time for social life and no time for unworthy things. But still im carefree and still doing unworthy things.. still using my time for nothing.... Gosh.. I need to set limits muna and focus more..... Waahh. BAN muna YM and FRIENDSTER... Social life also... After this saka plang ako magsasaya.... Waahhh....
Actually at school I want to be quiet and talk to myself for the whole time but I cant make it.. I cant help but to talk and be jolly and happy.. Tsk.. I want to be serious by this time.....
So pls.. help me po talaga Oh Lord God.. Pls... Thank you po..
-Bibs.. (anxious again) 9.30 na pla......
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Perfectionism
Has anyone of you encountered the word perfect, perfection, perfectionism and perfectionist?
From the word itself perfect means having all the qualities, excellences, or elements that are requisite to its nature or kind; without defect or lack; consummated; supremely excellent; complete. Perfection is the state or condition of being perfect; supreme excellence. Perfectionism is the theory that moral perfection may be attained, or has been attained, by men; variously held and taught by different sects and schools. Perfectionist is the one who demands an exceedingly high degree of excellence in the performance, behavior, etc., of himself or in that of others, he is the one who adheres to the theory of perfectionism.
From these words, thoughts, ideas and callouts are entering my head - keeping me disturbed and feel anxious above all my used defense mechanisms.
There's no such thing as perfect. There's no such perfect person who can be excellent above all the circumstances. There's no such thing as perfect student nor perfect classmate and perfect friend. There's no perfect daughter as the parents could think of, nor perfect sister as the brothers could viewed of. And there's no perfect person as the perfectionist could insist of.
From all of these stuff, all of these days I lived, I usually hear the phrase "Nobody is perfect". Yes indeed, nobody's perfect. But there's some persons who used to attain perfect scores, perfect grades, perfect life, perfect family, and perfect himself/herself. And this just proves that some person are used to be perfectionist.
And so where would I belong myself?.. Am i a perfectionist person?, pretending to be perfect at all times? or sick and tired of being perfectionist?..
Perfectionism creates a lot of pressure. It makes you feel frustrated, angry, inferior and envious. But when you attained it, it makes you feel happy, fulfilled and strong, with a high level of self-esteem.
Within my life, I used to be perfectionist one - esepecially on school, family and friends. But I could say that Im tired of thinking things to be almost perfect or should I say a life that seems to be no problem, no difficulty, no worries and no pain at all - a life that is perfect.
Im tired. Why is then so?, Tired maybe because of hoping things to be smoothly going...
When I was young, I used to be a passive child. And now, I could feel that Im searching for something.. searching for some perfect things to happen.
I want my mind to speak. And as of now, it keeps on asking why?, confused of things that is concerned about being perfect, attaining an environment perfect to life.. In school, I keep on hoping that everything will be perfect.. all the things will go and flow with what I think of.. with what I expect. And sometimes because my expectations didnt work, my mind turned into frustrations, envy and disappointments. Because of this disappointments, frustrations and envious feeling, I engaged to things that makes me imperfect. Imperfect in a sense that I could feel the worth and essence of my existence. This is in sense that I wanted to be like others that can do what they used and want to do.. like smoking, drinking alcohol and even abusing substances. When I was young, a child who is unaware of how things are flowing, I hate those kind of activities. But now, Im starting to engage on one of those and maybe if still be tolerated it will become worse and come to the point where in I couldnt even know myself already.
Why am I searching for imperfectionism?.. Maybe because Im sick and tired of searching for perfectionism, tired of hoping that things will exist according to what I want and what I expect that results to frustrations and disappointments. In order for me not to feel those.. I engaged myself to things that makes me imperfect.. and as of now, I could see the help it brings to me....
I know it is not advisable to do all those stuff but it is not as easy as it could be dealing with stress, frustrations and disappointments. I cant find any thing that makes me feel secured and comfortable for a while. Dealing with this helps me to even feel that I should live my life with full strength and go on the flow..
As of now, the boat is sinking and I think I let my self be drown.... Im so helpless.
From the word itself perfect means having all the qualities, excellences, or elements that are requisite to its nature or kind; without defect or lack; consummated; supremely excellent; complete. Perfection is the state or condition of being perfect; supreme excellence. Perfectionism is the theory that moral perfection may be attained, or has been attained, by men; variously held and taught by different sects and schools. Perfectionist is the one who demands an exceedingly high degree of excellence in the performance, behavior, etc., of himself or in that of others, he is the one who adheres to the theory of perfectionism.
From these words, thoughts, ideas and callouts are entering my head - keeping me disturbed and feel anxious above all my used defense mechanisms.
There's no such thing as perfect. There's no such perfect person who can be excellent above all the circumstances. There's no such thing as perfect student nor perfect classmate and perfect friend. There's no perfect daughter as the parents could think of, nor perfect sister as the brothers could viewed of. And there's no perfect person as the perfectionist could insist of.
From all of these stuff, all of these days I lived, I usually hear the phrase "Nobody is perfect". Yes indeed, nobody's perfect. But there's some persons who used to attain perfect scores, perfect grades, perfect life, perfect family, and perfect himself/herself. And this just proves that some person are used to be perfectionist.
And so where would I belong myself?.. Am i a perfectionist person?, pretending to be perfect at all times? or sick and tired of being perfectionist?..
Perfectionism creates a lot of pressure. It makes you feel frustrated, angry, inferior and envious. But when you attained it, it makes you feel happy, fulfilled and strong, with a high level of self-esteem.
Within my life, I used to be perfectionist one - esepecially on school, family and friends. But I could say that Im tired of thinking things to be almost perfect or should I say a life that seems to be no problem, no difficulty, no worries and no pain at all - a life that is perfect.
Im tired. Why is then so?, Tired maybe because of hoping things to be smoothly going...
When I was young, I used to be a passive child. And now, I could feel that Im searching for something.. searching for some perfect things to happen.
I want my mind to speak. And as of now, it keeps on asking why?, confused of things that is concerned about being perfect, attaining an environment perfect to life.. In school, I keep on hoping that everything will be perfect.. all the things will go and flow with what I think of.. with what I expect. And sometimes because my expectations didnt work, my mind turned into frustrations, envy and disappointments. Because of this disappointments, frustrations and envious feeling, I engaged to things that makes me imperfect. Imperfect in a sense that I could feel the worth and essence of my existence. This is in sense that I wanted to be like others that can do what they used and want to do.. like smoking, drinking alcohol and even abusing substances. When I was young, a child who is unaware of how things are flowing, I hate those kind of activities. But now, Im starting to engage on one of those and maybe if still be tolerated it will become worse and come to the point where in I couldnt even know myself already.
Why am I searching for imperfectionism?.. Maybe because Im sick and tired of searching for perfectionism, tired of hoping that things will exist according to what I want and what I expect that results to frustrations and disappointments. In order for me not to feel those.. I engaged myself to things that makes me imperfect.. and as of now, I could see the help it brings to me....
I know it is not advisable to do all those stuff but it is not as easy as it could be dealing with stress, frustrations and disappointments. I cant find any thing that makes me feel secured and comfortable for a while. Dealing with this helps me to even feel that I should live my life with full strength and go on the flow..
As of now, the boat is sinking and I think I let my self be drown.... Im so helpless.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Indifferent, insane, indecisive, uncontrollable mind..
Nakanino ba ang problema?.. Nasa paligid ko ba?, nasa isang tao ba?.. o nasa sarili ko lang talaga?..
Pinipilit kong sabihin at gawing bumawi sa bawat pagkakamaling nagagawa ko.. sa bawat downfall na nagyayari sakin.. Pinipilit ko sabihing next time aayusin ko na.. gagalingan ko na.. Pero bakit base sa mga ginagawa ko parang wala akong ginagawa.. Iniisip ko na dapat gawin ko to para makabawi naman ako.. pero di ko naman gingawa.. Instead.. binabaling ko ang sarili ko sa ibang bagay na napakaworthless at seems to be invincible.. Kumbaga.. gumagawa ako ng mga bagay na di naman align sa goal ko.. sa mga objectives ko.. Kaya naman ano ang nagiging resulta??.. Failures..
Pero iniisip ko naman.. gingawa ko naman ang mga bagay na ito dahil una para makaparelax naman.. para makaalis kahit papano sa pressure na nangyayari sa school.. para madivert ko naman kahit saglit ang sarili ko sa reality.. OO, minsan nakakatulong pero kadalasan hindi din.. Sa halip na makatulong eh pampadagdag pa ng mga naiisip mo..
Ano ba talaga ang gusto mong mangyari nica??...
Una sa lahat..
gusto kong makabawi sa Oxygenation and Metabolism.. Kasalanan ko hindi ako nagbabasa ng topic na yun during nilelecture.. Nawawala kasi yung interes ko eh.. Pero sa ngayon, dahil naestimate ko na ang grade ko for quizes in that concept, gusto kong makabawi sa unit exam..
Pano??
siyempre, magbabasa ako.. magststart ulit akong basahin ang book ko.. basahin at intindihin.. pero bakit ngayon.. di pa din ako nagbabasa.. ? eh kasi naman gusto ko munang gawin at pag-aralan yung nilecture ni sir last sat... para sa wed at thurs rereviewhin ko na lang at di na ko masyadong mahirapan pa..
oh cge gawin mo na...
Kelangan kasi you have to set contract with yourself.. stop doing some flings.. ikaw lang ang nahihirapan.. napapansin mo parang ikaw lang ang may interes sa kaniya.. at siya.. wala naman.. nagchachat lang siya para sa isang bagay.. nag-uusap kayo ng walang kasaysayan.. hay naku nica.. ano ba yang mga pinaggagawa mo??.. pde ba?.. ayus ayusin mo yang sarili mo... Stop it ok!.. Focus on what you should be doing.. Not on anything else.. sabihin mo mang para madivert ka kahit papano at marelax.. ibahin mo na lang.. wak na don.. ok..... stop it.. ok???....
STOP...
you wanna wait in vain.. you are stupid nica!!!
he's uninteresed on you, he's too aloof on you.. uncaring.. Stop it ok.. before anything else would happen... STOP start it right now. ok..
OK... I'll try to stop this.. ill try to ignore this until sembreak... thanxx...
back to study mode..
Pinipilit kong sabihin at gawing bumawi sa bawat pagkakamaling nagagawa ko.. sa bawat downfall na nagyayari sakin.. Pinipilit ko sabihing next time aayusin ko na.. gagalingan ko na.. Pero bakit base sa mga ginagawa ko parang wala akong ginagawa.. Iniisip ko na dapat gawin ko to para makabawi naman ako.. pero di ko naman gingawa.. Instead.. binabaling ko ang sarili ko sa ibang bagay na napakaworthless at seems to be invincible.. Kumbaga.. gumagawa ako ng mga bagay na di naman align sa goal ko.. sa mga objectives ko.. Kaya naman ano ang nagiging resulta??.. Failures..
Pero iniisip ko naman.. gingawa ko naman ang mga bagay na ito dahil una para makaparelax naman.. para makaalis kahit papano sa pressure na nangyayari sa school.. para madivert ko naman kahit saglit ang sarili ko sa reality.. OO, minsan nakakatulong pero kadalasan hindi din.. Sa halip na makatulong eh pampadagdag pa ng mga naiisip mo..
Ano ba talaga ang gusto mong mangyari nica??...
Una sa lahat..
gusto kong makabawi sa Oxygenation and Metabolism.. Kasalanan ko hindi ako nagbabasa ng topic na yun during nilelecture.. Nawawala kasi yung interes ko eh.. Pero sa ngayon, dahil naestimate ko na ang grade ko for quizes in that concept, gusto kong makabawi sa unit exam..
Pano??
siyempre, magbabasa ako.. magststart ulit akong basahin ang book ko.. basahin at intindihin.. pero bakit ngayon.. di pa din ako nagbabasa.. ? eh kasi naman gusto ko munang gawin at pag-aralan yung nilecture ni sir last sat... para sa wed at thurs rereviewhin ko na lang at di na ko masyadong mahirapan pa..
oh cge gawin mo na...
Kelangan kasi you have to set contract with yourself.. stop doing some flings.. ikaw lang ang nahihirapan.. napapansin mo parang ikaw lang ang may interes sa kaniya.. at siya.. wala naman.. nagchachat lang siya para sa isang bagay.. nag-uusap kayo ng walang kasaysayan.. hay naku nica.. ano ba yang mga pinaggagawa mo??.. pde ba?.. ayus ayusin mo yang sarili mo... Stop it ok!.. Focus on what you should be doing.. Not on anything else.. sabihin mo mang para madivert ka kahit papano at marelax.. ibahin mo na lang.. wak na don.. ok..... stop it.. ok???....
STOP...
you wanna wait in vain.. you are stupid nica!!!
he's uninteresed on you, he's too aloof on you.. uncaring.. Stop it ok.. before anything else would happen... STOP start it right now. ok..
OK... I'll try to stop this.. ill try to ignore this until sembreak... thanxx...
back to study mode..
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Depressions
Depressions really exist in life. Di natin maiiwasan na madepress paminsnan minsan. At paminsan minsan hindi mo na magawa ang dapat mong gawin o kaya naman mali mali na ang iyong nagagawa dahil sa pagiging depress mo. Pero ano ba talga ang dahilan bakit tayo nadedepress?... Para sa akin.. isa lang yan.. Dahil sa hindi mo nagawa ng tama ang mga bagay na dapat nagawa mo ng tama o kaya naman hindi mo naabot ang expectation mo sa sarili mo.. Kaya naman nadidisappoint ka sa sarili mo hanggang sa madepress ka.. Tulad ko nalang ngayon.. Nadedepress ako at unfortunately disappointed din ako sa sarili ko.. Nafufrustrate na din.. Lahat na.. Ito ay dahil sa malamang di ko pagkamit ng maayos na score sa unit exam ko. Kahit na ayoko ng bigyang pansin pa o palawakin pa, hindi ko talaga maalis sa isipan ko ang nangyaring iyon. Nag-aral naman ako. Sa lahat ng naging unit exams ko ngayong college.. masasabi kong ngayon lang ako lumagpak.. At sana di na toh maulit pa.. Sa totoo lang ayoko ng feeling ng napapasang awa.. o kaya naman bumabagsak.. Kasi dahil dito bumababa ang self-esteem ko. At dahil sa bumababa ang self-esteem ko, hindi na nagiging maayos ang performance ko.. Pero gusto kong tingnan ang pangyayaring ito in a positive way.. Kasi kung titingnan ko na lang palagi in a negative way.. lalo lang akong madedepress at magiging anxious. Sabi ko sa sarili ko.. it just proves that i need to learn more. Kung nag-aral man ako, malamang di pa sapat yung naaral ko para makapasa.. Siguro masyado akong naging care-free (palagi naman eh).. Pero di ko maiiwasan na maging ganon.. ewan ko ba.. Siguro its also my defense mechanism. Ayun.
To think na halos lahat ng profs and C.Is mo napansin ang resulta ng exam mo.. "Anong nangyari?" Nakakadisappoint talaga. Kahit na sabihin nating mahirap talaga yung naging exam.. Mahirap pa ring tanggapin na im below the passing rate.. It really broke my records. Anyway.. I was then so thankful kasi nadagdagan ng isang ponit ung score q.. so i could say that i passed. Pero mahirap pa ring tanggalin sa isipan ko yung pagpansin ng mga profs ko sa naging performance ko lalo na ang pagpansin ni Sir... Anyway.. Ok na yun.. I must learn to accept things I made. Siguro I should strive and study harder para naman makabawi ako.. I hope so.. Ayoko na ng feeling na ganito.. So pls.. help me po God..
And this proves na napakaconscious ko sa environment ko.. Sa mga sinasabi ng iba about sakin.. Negative or positive man.. Im very much particular on that.. And its really hard for me to change that kind of attitude. I hope I can change that. Whew.
Also, wag kasi masyado mayabang ok...??? Always be humble and thak God for all.. OK?
Thank God..
---niCa..
To think na halos lahat ng profs and C.Is mo napansin ang resulta ng exam mo.. "Anong nangyari?" Nakakadisappoint talaga. Kahit na sabihin nating mahirap talaga yung naging exam.. Mahirap pa ring tanggapin na im below the passing rate.. It really broke my records. Anyway.. I was then so thankful kasi nadagdagan ng isang ponit ung score q.. so i could say that i passed. Pero mahirap pa ring tanggalin sa isipan ko yung pagpansin ng mga profs ko sa naging performance ko lalo na ang pagpansin ni Sir... Anyway.. Ok na yun.. I must learn to accept things I made. Siguro I should strive and study harder para naman makabawi ako.. I hope so.. Ayoko na ng feeling na ganito.. So pls.. help me po God..
And this proves na napakaconscious ko sa environment ko.. Sa mga sinasabi ng iba about sakin.. Negative or positive man.. Im very much particular on that.. And its really hard for me to change that kind of attitude. I hope I can change that. Whew.
Also, wag kasi masyado mayabang ok...??? Always be humble and thak God for all.. OK?
Thank God..
---niCa..
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Falling down..
It's ironic that 9 times out of 10, the people who never fail are the ones who never succeed.That's because the people who never fail are not moving anywhere. They are content to sit within their small defined comfort area. They are never growing or taking chances.Success comes to those who have failed over and over again. It came because they kept pushing forward. They had a purpose that drove them... a passion burning inside. That's how they reached success.
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot do. And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace. A winner is not one who never fails, but one who NEVER QUITS! In LIFE, remember that you pass this way only once! Let's live life to the fullest and give it our best.
Author Unknown
http://www.trueinsights.com/inspirational/150
Monday, August 25, 2008
Anxiety.
May mga bagay bagay sa loob ng ating katawan na namimilit sa atin upang gawin ang mga bagay na minsan hindi natin gusto hanggang sa malaman nating gusto na pala natin ito, nagiging parte na pala ito ng ating buhay at kasama na din pala sa sirkulasyon ng ating katawan.
Nakakapanibago kung iisipin na gawin ang mga bagay na ito.. hindi tayo sanay.. hindi natin feel.. lalong lalo na wala namang sapat na dahilan para gawin natin ito.. Pero kung talagang iisipin at pag-uukulan ng pansin, ang mga bagay na ito pala ay nakakatulong sa atin.. Nakatutulong sa atin upang umunlad, magbago at magkaroon ng sariling pananaw sa buhay.
Bilang isang tao, bilang isang anak, bilang mag-aaral, bilang isang kaibigan, at bilang isang nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na maging responsable at mag-alala sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lang.. Bakit kaya ganon?.. Una, bilang isang tao at nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na humingi ng tulong Sa Kanya sa mga oras ng pangangailangan, magpasalamat Sa Kanya sa mga masasaya at magagandang pangyayari sa aking buhay, nasanay ako na kausapin Siya sa mga oras na wala akong mahingan ng tulong at sa mga oras na hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili.. Nasanay ako na humingi ng konting yakap Sa Kanya para makaramdam ako ng kakaibang seguridad sa mundo.. Mga bagay bagay na nakaugalian ko.. Pero saan ko ba nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. Bilang isang labing-walong taong gulang na babae, hindi ko pa masasabi na marami na akong napagdaanang mga pagsubok para sabihing sanay na ako sa buhay, hindi ko pa masasabing marami na akong nagawa na kapakipakinabang. Sa katunayan, wala pa siguro yan sa mga gagawin ko pa pagkalipas ng mga taon. Masasabi kong marami pa.. marami pa akong gagawin at magagawa.. Pero saan ko nga nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. In a way, bakit gusto kong malaman??...
Bilang isang tao, masasabi kong hindi ako normal tulad ng iba.. Nasasabi ko lang ito dahil siguro self-centered ako, mas binibgyang pansin ko ang sarili ko kaysa sa iba, mas concern at conscious ako sa sarili ko.. Sabi ko nga multiple ang personality ko.. Pero sabi ng libro, nagiging marami ito dahil na rin sa environment, sa kapaligiran ko.. Siguro nga. Napapansin ko, bilang isang anak, kaklase, mag-aaral, kaibigan, etc iba ako.. Mga bagay na dahil sa environment ko iba ang naipapakita ko.. Pero gusto kong malaman kung sa lahat ng ito.. ano ba talaga ako? sino ba talaga ako?.. na kahit balibaligtarin man ang mundo masasabing ako yun at wala ng iba?.. Sino at ano?...
Bilang isang tao at kaibigan ng sarili kong pagkatao, maraming bagay ang pumapasok sa isipan ko na minsan hindi ko kayang dalhin, mga katanungang hindi ko kayang sagutin. Kung iisipin para na rin siguro akong baliw. Pero nakikita ko pa namang kahit papano normal ako. Yun nga lang siguro iba ako sa lahat. Siyempre lahat naman tayo may kakaibang personalidad, may kakaibang pagkatao, yun nga lang depende sa atin kung paano ito dalhin.. At ako bilang magulong tao, iba-iba ang paraan ko kung paano dalhin ang mga bagay na nagpapabigat sa damdamin ko.
Defense Mechanisms. Marami yan. Siguro lahat niyan nagawa ko na. Hindi lang siguro ako aware. Pero kadalasan nagawa ko na para lang maitago ang lahat ng totoo kong nararamdaman. Reaction formation, Projection, Rationalization, Denial at marami pang iba. Halos lahat. At alam ko lahat ng tao nagawa na yan. May kanya kanya tayong stressor at paraan para maalis ang stressor na yan. At minsan dahil sa masyado na tayong naiistress, nag-aalala na tayo sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lamang. Anxiety in short.
Dati naaalala ko, high school pa lang ako non, hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang salitang anxiety/ anxious, ni hindi ko nga alam kung pano ang tamang pagbigkas niyan eh.. Pero ngayon, bilang isang college student, masasabi kong halos lahat ng araw ko umiikot sa salitang anxiety/ anxious. Bakit ba kasi nabuo pa ang salitang yan?..
Anyway, siguro, holistically, marami ngang mga bagay sa aking buhay na bumubuo sa pagkatao ko. Isa na ang pagiging anxious. Pagiging anxious ko sa role ko sa buhay. Sa pagiging isang anak ng aking mga magulang, pagiging mag-aaral, studyante, kaklase, kapatid, kaibigan, kaaway at marami pa.. Marami pa.. Identity vs. Role Confusion. Sabi nga ni Erikson. Pero hanggang kailan kaya ako mananatili dito sa crisis na ito? Anong gagawin ko para makaalis at makasurvive? Masasabi kong isa ito sa mga stressor ko sa buhay. Pero mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko eh, siguro matutulungan din ako ng oras at panahon.. palagi naman eh.. Sana lang.. Sa totoo lang, siguro nababahala ako na hindi ko maabot ang next stage ni Erikson. Sabi kasi sa book, you can't move on to the next stage whenever you failed to resolve the crisis. Ibig sabihin, di ko pala maabot ang intimacy kung confused pa rin ako sa role ko sa buhay at sa identity ko. Hmmn. Anyway, bata pa naman ako eh.. at sabi ko nga mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko at siguro hindi dapat ako mabahala kung ganon man. Ah ewan ang gulo ko talaga. Sa katunayan, pinipilit kong maging malinaw at maintindihan ng lahat pero parang magulo pa rin. Still reflects my being.
Sa ngayon, nabubuhay ako sa sarili kong prinsipyo sa buhay:
1. I trust everything to God. Hindi dapat ako magpakita ng kahit anong galit Sa Kanya. Alam ko alam niya lahat ng gingawa ko, iniisip ko at nararamdaman ko. Alam niya kung ano ang mga makakabuti sa akin. Alam ko nilalayo niya ako sa mga bagay na makapagdudulot sa akin ng hindi maganda. Wisdom, Knowledge and Strength.. lahat galing Sa Kanya.
2. Magkaroon ng balance na buhay. Balance pagdating sa school, lakwatsa, laro, kaibigan. Balance ang sikreto para mawala ang stress.
Sa ngayon, nagtataka ako kung bakit ang ibang tao, hindi nag-eenjoy sa pag-aaral. Hindi tinatapos ang pag-aaral. Yun iba naman studyante nga pero di naman nag-aaral.. Pano yun? Hindi naapreciate ang pagpunta sa school bukod sa pagkakaroon ng baon.
Para sa akin masasabi kong napakasarap mag-aral. Kahit na isa ito sa mga stressor ng buhay mo. Masaya naman dahil marami kang natutunan. Maraming nalalaman. At napakasaya bilang isang taong maraming alam at maraming experience. Learning is gained through hardwork and experience. Experience enhances your capability to think, to work and to do right - Para sa akin, yan ang learning. Ewan ko na lang sa iba.
Ang tanging sikreto.. BALANCE... sa palagay ko...
Pwede namang maglakwatsa kahit nag-aaral hindi ba? Pwede maglaro ng computer, pwede magsine, mag SM, gumimik.. Pwede naman hindi ba?.. Magboyfriend, maglasing, magyosi at kung anu-ano pa.. Kahit nag-aaral... Para sa akin, pwede as long as nababalance mo at alam mo kung ano talaga ang mga dapat mong gawin at hindi. Mga dapat binibigyang importansya, pinaprioritize..
Basta ang mahalaga you are in lieu with your goal and responsible enough to meet that goal.
--Bibs.
(Back to study-mode)
Nakakapanibago kung iisipin na gawin ang mga bagay na ito.. hindi tayo sanay.. hindi natin feel.. lalong lalo na wala namang sapat na dahilan para gawin natin ito.. Pero kung talagang iisipin at pag-uukulan ng pansin, ang mga bagay na ito pala ay nakakatulong sa atin.. Nakatutulong sa atin upang umunlad, magbago at magkaroon ng sariling pananaw sa buhay.
Bilang isang tao, bilang isang anak, bilang mag-aaral, bilang isang kaibigan, at bilang isang nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na maging responsable at mag-alala sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lang.. Bakit kaya ganon?.. Una, bilang isang tao at nilalang na ginawa ng Diyos, nasanay ako na humingi ng tulong Sa Kanya sa mga oras ng pangangailangan, magpasalamat Sa Kanya sa mga masasaya at magagandang pangyayari sa aking buhay, nasanay ako na kausapin Siya sa mga oras na wala akong mahingan ng tulong at sa mga oras na hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili.. Nasanay ako na humingi ng konting yakap Sa Kanya para makaramdam ako ng kakaibang seguridad sa mundo.. Mga bagay bagay na nakaugalian ko.. Pero saan ko ba nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. Bilang isang labing-walong taong gulang na babae, hindi ko pa masasabi na marami na akong napagdaanang mga pagsubok para sabihing sanay na ako sa buhay, hindi ko pa masasabing marami na akong nagawa na kapakipakinabang. Sa katunayan, wala pa siguro yan sa mga gagawin ko pa pagkalipas ng mga taon. Masasabi kong marami pa.. marami pa akong gagawin at magagawa.. Pero saan ko nga nakuha ang ganyang kaugalian?.. In a way, bakit gusto kong malaman??...
Bilang isang tao, masasabi kong hindi ako normal tulad ng iba.. Nasasabi ko lang ito dahil siguro self-centered ako, mas binibgyang pansin ko ang sarili ko kaysa sa iba, mas concern at conscious ako sa sarili ko.. Sabi ko nga multiple ang personality ko.. Pero sabi ng libro, nagiging marami ito dahil na rin sa environment, sa kapaligiran ko.. Siguro nga. Napapansin ko, bilang isang anak, kaklase, mag-aaral, kaibigan, etc iba ako.. Mga bagay na dahil sa environment ko iba ang naipapakita ko.. Pero gusto kong malaman kung sa lahat ng ito.. ano ba talaga ako? sino ba talaga ako?.. na kahit balibaligtarin man ang mundo masasabing ako yun at wala ng iba?.. Sino at ano?...
Bilang isang tao at kaibigan ng sarili kong pagkatao, maraming bagay ang pumapasok sa isipan ko na minsan hindi ko kayang dalhin, mga katanungang hindi ko kayang sagutin. Kung iisipin para na rin siguro akong baliw. Pero nakikita ko pa namang kahit papano normal ako. Yun nga lang siguro iba ako sa lahat. Siyempre lahat naman tayo may kakaibang personalidad, may kakaibang pagkatao, yun nga lang depende sa atin kung paano ito dalhin.. At ako bilang magulong tao, iba-iba ang paraan ko kung paano dalhin ang mga bagay na nagpapabigat sa damdamin ko.
Defense Mechanisms. Marami yan. Siguro lahat niyan nagawa ko na. Hindi lang siguro ako aware. Pero kadalasan nagawa ko na para lang maitago ang lahat ng totoo kong nararamdaman. Reaction formation, Projection, Rationalization, Denial at marami pang iba. Halos lahat. At alam ko lahat ng tao nagawa na yan. May kanya kanya tayong stressor at paraan para maalis ang stressor na yan. At minsan dahil sa masyado na tayong naiistress, nag-aalala na tayo sa mga bagay na nangyari, nangyayari at mangyayari pa lamang. Anxiety in short.
Dati naaalala ko, high school pa lang ako non, hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang salitang anxiety/ anxious, ni hindi ko nga alam kung pano ang tamang pagbigkas niyan eh.. Pero ngayon, bilang isang college student, masasabi kong halos lahat ng araw ko umiikot sa salitang anxiety/ anxious. Bakit ba kasi nabuo pa ang salitang yan?..
Anyway, siguro, holistically, marami ngang mga bagay sa aking buhay na bumubuo sa pagkatao ko. Isa na ang pagiging anxious. Pagiging anxious ko sa role ko sa buhay. Sa pagiging isang anak ng aking mga magulang, pagiging mag-aaral, studyante, kaklase, kapatid, kaibigan, kaaway at marami pa.. Marami pa.. Identity vs. Role Confusion. Sabi nga ni Erikson. Pero hanggang kailan kaya ako mananatili dito sa crisis na ito? Anong gagawin ko para makaalis at makasurvive? Masasabi kong isa ito sa mga stressor ko sa buhay. Pero mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko eh, siguro matutulungan din ako ng oras at panahon.. palagi naman eh.. Sana lang.. Sa totoo lang, siguro nababahala ako na hindi ko maabot ang next stage ni Erikson. Sabi kasi sa book, you can't move on to the next stage whenever you failed to resolve the crisis. Ibig sabihin, di ko pala maabot ang intimacy kung confused pa rin ako sa role ko sa buhay at sa identity ko. Hmmn. Anyway, bata pa naman ako eh.. at sabi ko nga mahaba pa naman ang lalakbayin ko at siguro hindi dapat ako mabahala kung ganon man. Ah ewan ang gulo ko talaga. Sa katunayan, pinipilit kong maging malinaw at maintindihan ng lahat pero parang magulo pa rin. Still reflects my being.
Sa ngayon, nabubuhay ako sa sarili kong prinsipyo sa buhay:
1. I trust everything to God. Hindi dapat ako magpakita ng kahit anong galit Sa Kanya. Alam ko alam niya lahat ng gingawa ko, iniisip ko at nararamdaman ko. Alam niya kung ano ang mga makakabuti sa akin. Alam ko nilalayo niya ako sa mga bagay na makapagdudulot sa akin ng hindi maganda. Wisdom, Knowledge and Strength.. lahat galing Sa Kanya.
2. Magkaroon ng balance na buhay. Balance pagdating sa school, lakwatsa, laro, kaibigan. Balance ang sikreto para mawala ang stress.
Sa ngayon, nagtataka ako kung bakit ang ibang tao, hindi nag-eenjoy sa pag-aaral. Hindi tinatapos ang pag-aaral. Yun iba naman studyante nga pero di naman nag-aaral.. Pano yun? Hindi naapreciate ang pagpunta sa school bukod sa pagkakaroon ng baon.
Para sa akin masasabi kong napakasarap mag-aral. Kahit na isa ito sa mga stressor ng buhay mo. Masaya naman dahil marami kang natutunan. Maraming nalalaman. At napakasaya bilang isang taong maraming alam at maraming experience. Learning is gained through hardwork and experience. Experience enhances your capability to think, to work and to do right - Para sa akin, yan ang learning. Ewan ko na lang sa iba.
Ang tanging sikreto.. BALANCE... sa palagay ko...
Pwede namang maglakwatsa kahit nag-aaral hindi ba? Pwede maglaro ng computer, pwede magsine, mag SM, gumimik.. Pwede naman hindi ba?.. Magboyfriend, maglasing, magyosi at kung anu-ano pa.. Kahit nag-aaral... Para sa akin, pwede as long as nababalance mo at alam mo kung ano talaga ang mga dapat mong gawin at hindi. Mga dapat binibigyang importansya, pinaprioritize..
Basta ang mahalaga you are in lieu with your goal and responsible enough to meet that goal.
--Bibs.
(Back to study-mode)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
NUMB
seems that i am starting to be confused and be frustrated this time. Whew!.. i hope i will have a good grade this summer class in our ncm100.. whew. a while ago until now, im very frustrated because of the result of my quiz in this subject. tapos last friday, i got 2 mpls na already... whew.. and this friday will be the continuation. i hope di na ko ma-mpl this time.. help me God..
competitiveness....???????
i do want that word but i cant refuse to hate it. because im starting to be conscious with my grades and be insecure to others with whom have higher grades than me. whew!.. i hope i am as strong as a bamboo, no one can ever make me fall, no one can ever destroy!!!!!
NUMB in all pains, hardships and a lot things in this world.. if i could be then why not?..
but seems.. always impossible!
whew!
-frustrated enough to be like this...
competitiveness....???????
i do want that word but i cant refuse to hate it. because im starting to be conscious with my grades and be insecure to others with whom have higher grades than me. whew!.. i hope i am as strong as a bamboo, no one can ever make me fall, no one can ever destroy!!!!!
NUMB in all pains, hardships and a lot things in this world.. if i could be then why not?..
but seems.. always impossible!
whew!
-frustrated enough to be like this...
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Summer
Our summer classes were already started and i have the
feeling of too much tardiness. Ang init! tapos mafefeel
mong kau lang tao sa skul. Sa nagyon, although kilala ko
na un karamihan sa klase, uncomfortable na naman ako sa
kanila. ewan ko lang kung bakit. siguro dahil sa
kakaumpisa lang nga ng summer tapos new friends and new
classmates na naman - although kilala ko nnman sila -
bagong pakikisama ulit at bagong paraan ng
pakikipagkasundo sa kanila, or should i say bagong nica
nanaman ang ipapakita ko or makikita nila sa akin.
during the previous sem, on our community, i could say
that i have changed. i was able to change my personality,
my self-esteem as well as the way i talk and communicate
with my classmates. and with that change, i could say that
it totally make my self-esteem high and be confident in
everything i do unlike my 1st yr to 2nd yr 2nd sem stay in
LPU. that change was influenced by my peers-my classmates
and for me with my peers during 2nd sem, i have found the
comfort, trust and satisfaction of having friends within
the school.
by this summer class, i hope i can also be more
comfortable and be truly i am when i am with them.
actually, what hinders my personality is what i see my
friends think of me. my self-esteem lowered when they
think that i am not that good, i have no right to speak up
some important things, also some right to speak and make
some jokes, and the like. also, i think what hinders me is
my insecurity to some of them - to be honest, insecure
with those grade conscious students - the scholars.
although i always tell myself that we were just equal and
i can prove that i can beat them, still the word scholar
always made it best. kaya naman, the feeling of regretness
always comes to my mind but still i accept what i have
done and try not to feel bad about what ive done wrong.
Going back to the summer classes, hmmn. i think di pa
talaga ako masyadong nakakapagmove-on with my schedule and
as always, the feeling na bumabagal ulit ung oras dahil
sira na ulit yung time frame mo at dapat mo nang baguhin
dahil may new schedule ka na. and i hope mag-enjoy naman
ako this summer, i hope maging maayos pa din ung mga
grades ko and i know eventually, makkapagmove-on na ko sa
schedule pati na rin sa mga classmates ko ngayon.
however, natatawa na lang ako pag naiisip ko yung mga tipo
ng professor na meron kami. feeling ko parang napakabait
nila sa amin at parang nasa isang seminar lang kami, the
only thing that gives me challenge and fear is only when
they give quizes and exams, the rest parang wala lang.
naisip ko to dahil sa mga pinapakita ng mga prof ko
ngayon.. hmmm. ay may biglang pumasok sa utak ko.. i dont
want to say anything na lang kasi baka mabago at
mabaligtad pa pagdating ko ng next level.. heheh.. basta
masasabi ko napakafriendly ni mam sipin, iniisip niya
talaga kung ano yung mas mapapadali sa amin at mas
makapagbibigay sa amin ng saya at pag-asa when it comes to
studies... heheh. i love it!.. sana lahat ng prof ganon..
hehhe..
ayan.. mju nabunutan na ako ng tinik ngayon kasi nasabi ko
yung ibang gusto kong sabihin at may nakausap at
napaglabasan na ako ng saloobin. sa ngayon, nakakondisyon
na ko pra mag-aral ng nutrition at makapagadjust sa bago
kong environment sa klase (although di naman totally
nag-iba, ung feeling lang na bagong section and so bago
friends, bagong pakikitungo at bagong personality na naman
ata).. Naiiba-iba tlaga ang personality when there's new
things that comes to your life> tingin ko naman hindi,
kasi kung ano ka un talaga ang mapapakita mo at makikita
nila sayo, do therefore di ka nagbabago.. un nga lang...
hmmn. (ay wag nang kunontra pa, basta kung ano ka un ka
tlaga, di mo na kailangan magpretend ng kung anu man..
ok??)
hehehehe..
"personality mode nanaman!"
heheh.. ciao!
feeling of too much tardiness. Ang init! tapos mafefeel
mong kau lang tao sa skul. Sa nagyon, although kilala ko
na un karamihan sa klase, uncomfortable na naman ako sa
kanila. ewan ko lang kung bakit. siguro dahil sa
kakaumpisa lang nga ng summer tapos new friends and new
classmates na naman - although kilala ko nnman sila -
bagong pakikisama ulit at bagong paraan ng
pakikipagkasundo sa kanila, or should i say bagong nica
nanaman ang ipapakita ko or makikita nila sa akin.
during the previous sem, on our community, i could say
that i have changed. i was able to change my personality,
my self-esteem as well as the way i talk and communicate
with my classmates. and with that change, i could say that
it totally make my self-esteem high and be confident in
everything i do unlike my 1st yr to 2nd yr 2nd sem stay in
LPU. that change was influenced by my peers-my classmates
and for me with my peers during 2nd sem, i have found the
comfort, trust and satisfaction of having friends within
the school.
by this summer class, i hope i can also be more
comfortable and be truly i am when i am with them.
actually, what hinders my personality is what i see my
friends think of me. my self-esteem lowered when they
think that i am not that good, i have no right to speak up
some important things, also some right to speak and make
some jokes, and the like. also, i think what hinders me is
my insecurity to some of them - to be honest, insecure
with those grade conscious students - the scholars.
although i always tell myself that we were just equal and
i can prove that i can beat them, still the word scholar
always made it best. kaya naman, the feeling of regretness
always comes to my mind but still i accept what i have
done and try not to feel bad about what ive done wrong.
Going back to the summer classes, hmmn. i think di pa
talaga ako masyadong nakakapagmove-on with my schedule and
as always, the feeling na bumabagal ulit ung oras dahil
sira na ulit yung time frame mo at dapat mo nang baguhin
dahil may new schedule ka na. and i hope mag-enjoy naman
ako this summer, i hope maging maayos pa din ung mga
grades ko and i know eventually, makkapagmove-on na ko sa
schedule pati na rin sa mga classmates ko ngayon.
however, natatawa na lang ako pag naiisip ko yung mga tipo
ng professor na meron kami. feeling ko parang napakabait
nila sa amin at parang nasa isang seminar lang kami, the
only thing that gives me challenge and fear is only when
they give quizes and exams, the rest parang wala lang.
naisip ko to dahil sa mga pinapakita ng mga prof ko
ngayon.. hmmm. ay may biglang pumasok sa utak ko.. i dont
want to say anything na lang kasi baka mabago at
mabaligtad pa pagdating ko ng next level.. heheh.. basta
masasabi ko napakafriendly ni mam sipin, iniisip niya
talaga kung ano yung mas mapapadali sa amin at mas
makapagbibigay sa amin ng saya at pag-asa when it comes to
studies... heheh. i love it!.. sana lahat ng prof ganon..
hehhe..
ayan.. mju nabunutan na ako ng tinik ngayon kasi nasabi ko
yung ibang gusto kong sabihin at may nakausap at
napaglabasan na ako ng saloobin. sa ngayon, nakakondisyon
na ko pra mag-aral ng nutrition at makapagadjust sa bago
kong environment sa klase (although di naman totally
nag-iba, ung feeling lang na bagong section and so bago
friends, bagong pakikitungo at bagong personality na naman
ata).. Naiiba-iba tlaga ang personality when there's new
things that comes to your life> tingin ko naman hindi,
kasi kung ano ka un talaga ang mapapakita mo at makikita
nila sayo, do therefore di ka nagbabago.. un nga lang...
hmmn. (ay wag nang kunontra pa, basta kung ano ka un ka
tlaga, di mo na kailangan magpretend ng kung anu man..
ok??)
hehehehe..
"personality mode nanaman!"
heheh.. ciao!
Community
Whew.. the 2nd semester was again over.. and i couldntimagine that ill be turning to new semester this june and
stand up to the next level - 3rd year. 2nd semester is
over and it only means that the community works and
whatsoever with regards to the community is over.
eventhough it is to be continued in 4th year, still i am
so happy that i/we survived community immersion in Los
Banos, doing all the surveys, tallying, making outputs
with all the revisions and doing all the activities to be
passed, collecting funds for our class, and ofcourse yell
and command all the members of the class to keep moving
and do whatever task needed to be done. doing this
activities for the community is really tasky however i
enjoyed a lot!
first, meeting place: 7-eleven buendiain going to Brgy. Mayondon Los Banos, Laguna, we have to
wake up early in the morning - 4am-4.30am and i think my
classmates wake up earlier than me. my mom was the one who
wakes me up and i think if i didnt tell her that i should
wake early, i would be late. and fortunately, within the
community activities, i dont have any tardy or late or
absences. and im so thankful for that. whenever i see the
7-eleven in buendia, i couldnt help but to remember those
times that we met at that place and leave at 5.30am to go
to the bus station - the Green Star Bus, a ride trip going
to Laguna, and specificallywe go down between Caltex and
the Olivarez Mall, and then we again move on to another
7-eleven stall to wait for Ms. Pingoy, and then leave at
8am to go to Brgy. Hall of Brgy. Mayondon.
Most unforgettable moments during the community immersion:
- nung last week of data gathering, in Purok 6. because of
that my groupmates call me "Joaqin Bordado" - nung time na
un hinahap ko yung mga groupmates ko ng bahay para
mapagsurveyan, and so we found a house with a swimming
pool so we decided na magsurvey dito kahit na walang tao
sa labas, maybe nasa loob so i said "tao po! tao poh!, tas
bigalang may bumulantang sa harap ko na aso (dalamatian
ata un) at biglang sabi ng "Hhhhraw!aw!aw1", so dahil dun
nagulat ako at biglang napaurong. and unfortunaltely i
lost balance, i dont know how to back off, i think ulo ko
ung una kong binack off kasi nasa harapan tlaga sia ng
mukha ko, bka sakmalin ung mukha ko so ung mukha ko ung
una ko inurong bago ung paa ko, kaya naman nalost of
balance ako. at dahil sa nawalan ng balance, tumambling
tambling ako sa sahig t nakita ng mga klasmyts ko.. grabe
tawang tawa sila.. tas pagdating namin sa brgy.hall,
kinuwento ni r.a ang mga pnagyayari sa buong klase kasama
sina mam pingoy and mam sipin, at ung ibang 3rd yr.
grabeh.. dyahe un!.. hehehe..
- umuwi ng gabi dahil sa tinatapos pa ang walang katpusang
revision ng final outpout.
- ung successful naming napresent kina mam ng community
profile namin, na makikita mung lahat ng members ng klase
ngparticipate at ginawa lahat ng mga inuutos sa kanila.
ung pagpresent ng paperpoint, ung mga tables sulat-kamay,
tulungan sa pagsusulat at batuhan ng mga analaysis during
the presentation.
- while doing many things, some will ask "pano ba toh
iaanalyse, pano ba tong ganyan?", na wala akong masagot
kasi di ko din alam at nasa ibang gawain naksentro ang
utak ko so sinsabi ko nalang, "look for books na
magssupport sa mga sinabi mo sa kung anong plagay mo anong
meron jan.." hehe, and i think di un masyadong nakatulong
sa kanila., pero dahil naman don, naging maayos ang
presentation namin!
- magovernyt? - d na un masyadong common sa akin.
- ah nung namiss ko ung first quiz namin for the finals sa
sts dahil sa pag-eedit. di ko na un masyadong dinbdib kasi
ayaw ko ng mkaramdam pa ng kung ano man sa sarili ko.
- maningil ng seedmoney..
- magcramming dahil sa dami ng mga dapat gawin.
because of this community immersion/activities, masasabi
kong nag-enjoy tlaga ko together with my BSN2-1 klasmyts,
dito nailabas nila kung ano talaga ako at naipakita ko
kung ano talaga ako. also, they made me feel comfortable
and my self-esteem increased because nafeel kong accept
nila ako at dahil don i have the confidence to speak in
class..
thank you for that! an i hope, i can also feel the
acceptance my new classmates this summer until i graduate.
hehehe..
Monday, November 26, 2007
things-to-do
for now, i still dont know wat to do first.. i am thinking so many things na nman which sets my bad mood. a while ago, we had our microbiology and thank God that i wasnt able to get a score lower than 3 in the pretest because probably if i was, then i belong to the students who get out to go to the library to read the lesson further. also, fortunately i got a passing grade of 85 in our first quiz. whew. thank God tlaga. but now, i am so confused because earlier we also had our laboratory and wat we did were to draw the structure of the cell, its cycle and list examples of each cell but unfortunately, i wasnt able to finish the last part (the list of examples of each cell) and because of that it made me feel so sad coz of the thought that i might gain a low grade. whew. anyway, i hope doc ces will accept the list tomorrow.
this time, i am doing the assignment in micro the same with the examples that i missed a while ago then after that im going to review my notes on health economics. my prof there is really inspiring even though he is a gay, and i feel that whenever he teach, he thinks that we are not bright just like him and also the students in his alma mater...
whew. i hope i can do this all at the same day.(not for the same time).
I CAN DO THIS!
this time, i am doing the assignment in micro the same with the examples that i missed a while ago then after that im going to review my notes on health economics. my prof there is really inspiring even though he is a gay, and i feel that whenever he teach, he thinks that we are not bright just like him and also the students in his alma mater...
whew. i hope i can do this all at the same day.(not for the same time).
I CAN DO THIS!
Friday, November 9, 2007
fears
as of now, nagstart na klase nmin.. and im so thankful na maganda naman ung nabigay s'king schedule.. hehe. and im so thankful dn ksi naging mganda nman un start ng health care2 q dahil sa maaus na result ng mga quizes q. kanina ms.pingoy told us to tell ourselves na "we will pass healthcare2" and for me.. "ill gonna pass this subject! i can do this" not having too much assurance and confidence, but kakayanin ko 'toh.. and same with microbiology.. even i am worst last i took biology, i will study hard for me to be able to pass.. actually, as studying micro, what i did last year in anatomy will be the same as i study microbiology and this thinking is my inspiration while studying this subject. i hope i can do it and i can overcome the fear when taking quizes. this time, we still dont meet with doc. ces, actually i still have the fear on him, thinking that he's so strict, but i hope still, i can overcome those fears. and i believe that God will not let me fail.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)